Letters from the Front Line
by short-macchiato
Summary: Les Mis modern AU. Eponine and Enjorlas exchange a series of letters while he is on the front line in 1914.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi everyone, this is my first shot at a Les Mis ff. I have seen the movie and am currently reading the brick so I hope I am slowly building up a library of knowledge which I can use to only improve my writing. I know this is short but it's just a start, please let me know what you think, kind words and constructive criticism is always appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Les Mis or any of the characters... shocking, I know.**

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_August 30__th__ 1914 _

_Dear Eponine,_

I am writing to ensure that you have settled well into the living quarters on Rue Cezane. As was written in the letter I left you, I hope you have found sufficient funds for you and your siblings to live a more sustainable life than you had previously. However, if these funds do run out, do not hesitate to write and I will instruct you on how to access more.

In regards to the welfare of Marius, he is in a state where he does nothing but mope about wishing to be returned to his beloved, as for the rest of the men, we are all ready, determined and prepared to do our service our France. We are fighting for it's liberty, we will defeat the Germans. I know we will. How is the atmosphere back in Paris? Belgium is only a few hours away but it feels like worlds.

_Sincerely,_

_Enjolras_

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_September 14__th__ 1914_

_To Enjolras,_

I cannot even begin to describe how thankful I am for all you have done for my family and I. Not only is it incredibly appreciated but also extremely unexpected. I – the whole family, we are all so incredibly indebted to you that I fear it is impossible for me to ever truly repay you. It seems like a mere "thank you" in a letter isn't enough but until you return from this war it will have to be suffice. I have every intention of entering into the workforce, as does Azelma so that we may have an income of our own and perhaps afford to send Gavroche to secondary school in a few weeks and perhaps some of our earnings can go towards repaying you for your kindness.

Tell Marius that his beloved has fled France across the sea to England, she will send and address to me when she is settled and then Marius can write to her. Tell him that he will soon see the handwriting he loves so much. Tell him to hold on and that he will be fine.

The atmosphere here in Paris is incredible and the passion in the people's eyes is even enough to rival yours during one of your speeches! There is so much enthusiasm, so much excitement; we are all so sure that you have one that we are already planning your return!

_Stay safe!_

_From Eponine_

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**Kind words and constructive criticism are _always_ appreciated xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Les Miserables is not a story written by me in my spare time, rather, it was written by French author Victor Hugo. I bet you weren't expecting that.**

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_September 23 1914_

_Dear Eponine,_

You have no need to thank me, I would rather have someone living in my apartment rather than leave it dormant for the next few months, you owe me nothing. In fact, the knowledge that Gavroche has now got the opportunity to attend secondary school is enough of a reward. Please inform him that he may read any of the books around the house if he wishes to further his education outside of school. Though this offer is not exclusive to Gavroche, you are all more than welcome to read them, I believe you will find some of their views quite interesting, I recommend Rousseau's The Social Contract as a starting piece, it is after all one of the foundational documents our nation is built upon.

Thank you for telling me how enthusiastic the Parisian people are for this war. It is something the rest of the men and I need to hear. Conditions here in Belgium are far worse than we were expecting, and far worse than some of the bourgeois boys I am surrounded by can handle. Knowing that the people are supporting our cause makes it all the more worthwhile.

Also, before I forget, how is the job search going? I hear there is lots of work throughout France now that all able bodied men are here on the front. I wish you and Azelma the best in your efforts; you would be an asset to any business.

We are expected to enter into our first major battle with the Germans tomorrow, we are sure that for all their military might, there is no chance that they can defeat the strong and united forces of France. Some of the boys would ask you to wish us luck, but we don't need luck. We are fighting for our nation's liberty, that is the only motivation we need. She watches over us in a God-like manner and her guidance will lead us to victory.

The battalion, Marius and I send our best wishes, until next time, sincerely.

_Enjolras._

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_November 1__st__ 1914_

_To Enjolras,_

How are you all feeling? News about the battle has reached Paris and we are all devastated, so many lives lost in such a short period of time. How did the battalion hold up, are you all safe?

I do not want to write this to you, but I know you would be annoyed if I were to lie. This was France's first major defeat and it has really damaged the morale here in Paris. People aren't happy, it's been almost two months, the war was meant to be finished by now but there seems to be no end to this one. Everyday lists go up of the dead and I find myself too terrified to look. Little Gavroche has seen them a few times, and I am thankful when he returns, shaking his head saying he doesn't recognise a name there. I apologise, you already know how bad this war is and you don't need reminding. I am sorry.

Tell Marius that I have heard from Cosette who is staying at 55 Hills street Cambridge. She hopes to start university there next year.

As for the family and I, Gavroche has actually tried to read some of your books, we all have. However they are incredibly difficult and we can't read more than a few pages in one sitting without feeling completely exhausted! Though that being said I wouldn't expect anything else from you! We do not know how the conditions are there on the front but would you like us to send you anything from home, some books perhaps to ensure your mind stays active? If there is anything we can do please let us know, we want to help.

Speaking of help, Azelma and I are currently training to works as nurses for the soldiers who are transported back to Paris. Do you know the hotel Astoria? Some British and Australian nurses are converting it into a makeshift hospital. I am rather excited to work my first proper job; I just wish it wasn't in such grim circumstances. Now I feel like I am at least contributing to the war effort.

As for Gavroche, you will be pleased to know that he absolutely loves school with mathematics and literature being his favourite classes, physical education his least favourite, apparently he takes after his sisters in that regard.

I apologise for such a grim letter, perhaps the next one will be written in better circumstances.

Good luck, you, Marius and the boys stay safe; please let me know if you are all alright.

_From Eponine._

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**AN: First I would like to begin by saying WOW, I was not expecting this kind of reception. Thank you all so much, every comment, follow and favourite was very much appreciated, honestly, thank you.**

**To RainWillMakeTheFlowersGrow, thank you for your comment, you have helped me realise that I havent made the issue too clear and I hoped to fix that this chapter. They are not yet a couple, I am not quite sure how the story will progress and I want to see if I can build up a feeling of emotion through just letters, to see if I can do it.**

**Just Slightly Obsessed: Thank you for taking a look over my grammar and whether it was in character as well as your, it was really really appreciated.**

**I would also like to thank pinkglitter2901, Carolina Blues, preciousat, j91, MidnightWren for their lovely comments.**

**I apologise for the long authors note. I hope you enjoyed the second installment, comments and constructive criticism are _always_ appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Les Miserables and all it's characters belong to Victor Hugo, not me.**

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_November 9th 1914_

_Dear Eponine,_

We have been pushed back to the borders of Northern France and whilst I love being back in my home country, the knowledge that the Germans are here to penetrate it infuriates me. The atmosphere here is no better than Paris, silly boys now terrified after they realised that their "vacation" will see some of them never return home. I have heard cowards begging to be sent back home and it disgusts me; there have even been deserters. How can people flee when the liberty of their nation is at stake?

Everyone survived the battle. We arrived late, as reinforcements and most of the fighting was done. Bodies lay strewn across the battlefield, animals beginning to salvage whatever they can from the dead. But we survived, we all did. I cannot consciously tell you that we are all well; I cannot help but fear that some of the men are losing their minds. At night, they thrash and scream as if they cannot escape this war, not even in their dreams.

Currently we have converged with a number of Allie battalions from Canada, Britain, Australia and of course France. The British bring alcohol with them and tell us it's for medicinal purposes, and to a certain extent I agree. The drink provides for many an escape from the world and for much of the time; many of the men in the trenches are drunk. I refrain from the drinking; you can't fire a gun straight if you can barely stand. The Germans would do well to observe our import levels and on the night the alcohol arrives attack, it would be an easy victory for them.

I cannot be annoyed at the men who escape through the drink; they are far braver than those who physically run away.

Please, I beg of you Eponine not to send me anything. Our trenches frequently flood, the water ruining everything it touches. If the bullets, cannons and bombs don't kill the men, it's the hypothermia; some have even drowned in the rising waters while they were sleeping. You can never relax here, never let your guard down. I'm sure I haven't slept in months, many of us haven't. But we will keep on fighting, the Germans are strong, and well armed with far superior weapons, even if we are nothing more than cannon fodder, I would rather sacrifice myself for our nation, than survive with the knowledge that I am a coward, who does not deserve my title as citizen.

All I ask of you Eponine is to keep writing to me please. Everyday I am surrounded by the same group of men, having the same discussions repeatedly. Time goes so slow I feel as if I have been here for years even though your letters remind me it has only been a few months. Your letters are an escape; they allow me to imagine that I am in Paris even if it's just for minutes. I truly treasure them. I told the men of your plans to be a nurse and they are all so proud, if not a little apprehensive of your bedside manner. That being said I feel that you and your sister will be fantastic nurses and lovely companions to help heal our injured countrymen.

Tell Gavroche that he should perhaps start off reading some of the easier novels I have in the shelf. Try Antigone by Sophocles, it has a classic story line I'm sure you will all enjoy.

I look forward to you next letter, sincerely.

_Enjolras_

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_November 20__th__ 1914_

_To Enjolras,_

I have so little to say in response to what you have written me. It's devastating to hear how terrible the front must be for all of you out there in those conditions. I cannot even imagine how my letters must be a comfort to you, however as long as you want me to, I will write.

How is Marius doing? I am sure he would be struggling to remain his usual optimistic self in such terrible situations.

No one should ever have to see what you are witnessing, not only is it inhumane seeing what war can do to men. But the fact that these images are forever etched into your minds is just cruel. You are trying to save your country and now the memories haunt you all, even when you sleep. Therefore from now onwards in this letter there will be no more discussion of this horrid war – though I do still have to tell you about my work.

There have been a few soldiers sent in, mostly from Alsace and Lorraine where there has apparently been some very heavy fighting. I mainly tend to their wounds by mopping up the blood, giving out paracetamol, and changing bandages. We have only had a few serious injuries where the proper nurses usher us out of the way so they can go about resetting bones or changing old stitches. I really enjoy talking to the men, they have some wonderful stories and sometimes their faces look so lonely, so grim but after I've spoken to them for a while they light up, and seem to be getting better. It's probably just the paracetamol but I'm sure that conversation and discussion are it's perfect partners in the healing process.

I have seen Joly at the hospital once or twice and he says he may be heading to the Eastern front as there are very few doctors assisting the sick there and death from infection is rife. I will let you know if I see him again.

Enjolras, I thank you again for everything you have done for us, with your help and the extra money Azelma and I have been earning I have been able to discover another passion of mine – in fact we all have. With the little extra money we have, Azelma buys watercolours and has now started to paint the cityscape. We are going to the Jardin du Luxemburg tomorrow after work where she hopes to paint the Fontaine de Medicis. If it turns out well we were thinking of hanging it over the mantelpiece – if you don't mind of course!

Meanwhile Gavroche and I go to the market on Saturday mornings and he pick out a book to read for the week, and we really have found some great authors who definitely deserve a place on your bookshelf.

I have stated cooking, I make pasta, bread, roasts though I must say I absolutely love making cake and biscuits, and they are my favourite. Everyday I try to have a home cooked meal on the dinner table. We are all beginning to put on weight and finally for the first time in our lives look healthy. We can only thank you for this, your kindness, your care and your generosity. None of this could have ever happened if it wasn't for you. Thank you.

Today I will check to see if I can send you some food – it is a true crime if you are unable to taste how amazing my biscuits are! We will speak again soon.

Stay safe Enjolras, I hope things will be much better by the next time we write.

From

_Eponine_

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**AN: A thank you to the lovely preciousat for commenting again, and to the Guest who commented, your feedback is very much appreciated and inspires me to continue writing.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, followed, favourited and please remember comments and constructive criticism are _always _appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Les Miserables**

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_1st December 1914_

_Dear Eponine,_

Marius is how he has always been, glum and pining for Cosette. Men are dying around us but all he can think of is Cosette. We have been away for over three months and if the war doesn't drive us completely insane, Marius will.

Oh Eponine, what I would do to taste your food, though I must say I believe I have lost the ability to taste thanks to the food we are fed here. I can't even tell you what it is. The bread is slightly discoloured in spots from mould and the soup they are feeding us is a murky dark grey colour. Though that's not the worst part.

The soup is cold, ice cold before it reaches our lips that it only adds to our blocked noses and sore throats.

We do not sleep, we barely eat yet we are expected to fight as well – if not better than we did the first day we arrive. Especially here on the Western Front, there are so many men and not nearly enough to feed us.

The terrible thought crosses my mind that everyday more and men die, or get sent back home leaving more food for us. It's a terrible thought. This war distorts how you think; you are suspicious of everything and everyone. I feel completely drained mentally. Whilst I believe my body could hold up for years, my mind and the minds of those around me are already fraying. I am bitter, angry and permanently irritated. I hate being like that but every day it gets harder and harder to keep these emotions in check.

What is infuriating me the most right now is how ill equipped our government has left us for this particularly cold winter. I cannot remember what true warmth is and I feel as if I will never be warm again. The cold transcends my clothes, skin and flesh right down to my bones. At times I feel numb, and I worry that I will not be able to hold my gun properly, but alas I am still writing, therefore I must be doing something right.

I can only imagine how incredible one of your warm home cooked meals must be and perhaps after this war, when I get home you can make one for me – lots of butter please, I have lost so much weight that I am almost unrecognisable hopefully your amazing food will help reverse the physical effects of this war.

I encourage Azelma to use my home as a blank canvas. You will notice that it is completely bare, as I do not appreciate art the way others do. Therefore I give Azelma full liberty to decorate the home as she wishes after all it is her home now too.

It pleases me that Gavroche receives the same pleasure from books as I do. The ability to escape into a novel, totally and completely is rare and I encourage him to continue buying books and add them to my bookshelf. It would bring me great joy to arrive home and see Gavroche triple my book collection. Tell him I look forward to reading them all.

And finally to you Eponine, keep working hard. I assure you that your conversations with the officers must be the high points of their day and that what you do for them is very much appreciated. I know that many of the men here would do absolutely anything to have a conversation with someone as lively, passionate and warm as you. I am positive you are doing an incredible job and wish you all the best.

All the best,

_Enjolras._

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_12th December 1914_

_To Enjolras,_

I tried to send you some food but they wouldn't allow it. The rattled off a number of reasons at me which I tried my hardest to counter but they would not hear a word of it, I even tried to bribe them (even though I know you would find it difficult to accept them if they were arrived to you by illicit means). However I can assure you that on the day you step foot in Paris you will be able to smell the incredible scent of butter, casserole and cheese from the train station which will act as a trail lead you back to your home. You shall not leave the house for weeks but shall rest and eat, living like a sloth, though after this war you definitely deserve it. I expect you to object several times but I will have none of it, when your return home you shall be treated like a king – at least until you no longer look as gaunt as the men I treat in hospital.

Recently I've been think about what will happen after the war ends as it's already been going for six months and must surely end soon. I would love to attend university or at least study medicine more deeply, though I am aware that women never receive places in universities - perhaps I will be the first! I am trying to encourage the qualified nurses to teach me how to reset bones and sew up large wound but they seem quite reluctant to have me around, perhaps Joly can teach me one day!

Oh and Enjorlas? I am afraid you may not recognise your apartment upon your return. Unfortunately we seem to have completely taken over, though I must say, now the apartment actually looks lived in, there are paintings and drawings everywhere. There are fresh flowers in every room and the cupboards are bursting with home cooked cakes, pastries and biscuits. Across the table like little Gavroche's home works and book, and the whole apartment looks totally and completely alive!

I am afraid I don't really have much more to write, everything is going very well here.

How is the front? Is everyone still safe and alive?

More than anything I just wish for this war to be over. I want the torture you are going through to stop. Receiving your letters and reading of the torturous situations you are living in pains me. I know you will disagree but this isn't your war to fight. It should be the leaders of our nation fighting these wars rather than innocent but patriotic men. It is unfair, I miss you, I miss all the boys. Whilst things are well here I am lonely. I miss the meetings at the salon, I miss all the familiar faces, the silly conversations and I especially miss your speeches. I firmly believe that if you were to stand before Parliament and give them a speech as to why the war should end, it would, there would be an immediate ceasefire. I know you are not a pacifist but we all want this war to be over.

I pray for you all to return soon, stay safe.

_Eponine_

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**A/N: A very big thank you to preciousat, Carolina Blues and J91. Your comments are very much appreciated and inspire me to keep writing.**

**I have a fair chunk of this planned out in my head and I expect it to be at least 15 chapters long. However if you find that it is getting too repetative and too mundane please let me know I will do my best to make it more eventful (unfortunately life was quite boring back then, even in the war.)**

**Unfortunately this week is crazy assignment week at university, therefore I will be incredibly busy until next Thursday however I will try to get chapters out when I can, I just can't guarantee it. Though after this week I have mid semester break to do lots of writing!**

**Thanks to everyone who has read, followed and favourited. A special thank you to those who comment, remember reviews and constructive criticism are _always_ appreciated. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't own Les Miserables.**

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_25__th__ December 1914,_

_Dear Eponine,_

I am writing to you on Christmas day as I feel that this is a time to be spent with family and I must say that yours is the only name that comes to mind when I think of home, probably because you are the only person in France whom I am having regular contact with. Therefore once again would like to thank you for allowing me to share my deepest, most personal thoughts with you. Knowing that there is at least one person in this world kind enough to listen to me is incredibly comforting and makes fighting this war just that little bit easier.

It has been a strange day so far here on the front. The guns fell silent on both sides yesterday and we were and we were ordered to cease-fire. Initially the order was quite disturbing; the only other time we had received that order was when we forced to retreat. However it took no more than a few seconds to realise that for the first time in months we were not being fired upon. Everything was silent. It's such as strange sound, silence, if it can even be described as a sound. People describe silence as equal to being empty but I beg to differ. Silence is the most incredible and robust sound. It is the loudest of all noise but also the most beautiful. In moments of silence the loudest words are spoken through actions rather than eloquent speeches. Actions. That is something I have most definitely learnt during my time on the front. Perhaps if I had spent less time writing speeches and time devoted to my actions I would've been able to create the change I wanted to see in society

Not too long after the guns had fallen silent, our English allies began to leap over the trenches and into the baron wasteland we refer to as "no man's land". Us Frenchmen stood in horror as we watched them fearlessly walk across the small strip of land where so many had died to retrieve the bodies of their fallen companions. After a few minutes German soldiers began to retrieve the bodies of their dead. They were truly noble acts.

Before long pleasantries were exchanged between the two sides and once all the bodies had been cleared, more and more men form both sides began to meet in the middle of the desolate plains. It was such a strange sight. Men were sharing food, showing each other photographs of their families and even exchanging gifts in true Christmas tradition. Before long, some of the med had started a game of football – allies vs axis powers, It was such a strange sight watching almost 200 men trying to play football, using their trenches as goals.

Whilst this sounds like a pleasant time I am refusing to engage in these events. Instead I am watching from a distance, recounting the events to you. I am unsure if this was has heightened my sense of emotion or if it has dulled it completely. What is happening before my eyes not only confuses me but also saddens me. The men who we vilify and demonise are no different from us – we already knew that but now in meeting them we are personalising the enemy, giving them a new more relatable identity. We no longer see the enemy, we see the wife, the children the man and all of a sudden it becomes more difficult to kill him.

That is why I am not engaging in these pleasantries. Because I know that at first light tomorrow we will be ordered to resume our positions and fire on the men we were playing football with only 12 hours ago. It disgusts me now our commanders use us a pawns. They expect us to cease and resume fire upon their orders. They do not comprehend that we are not robots but men. All of us, from both sides. We are not Satan, demons or the anti-Christ. We are just men.

Please, do tell me about how you and your family spend Christmas. I hope it was much more enjoyable than mine.

Before I leave you I have written out a Christmas poem my mother used to recount to me when I was younger. It is the first poem I was able to memorise from heart, take it as my gift to all of you on Christmas Day:

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_I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play,_

_And mild and sweet_

_The words repeat_

_Of peace on earth, good will to men!_

_And thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom_

_And made forlorn_

_The households born_

_Of peace on earth, good will to men!_

_And in despair I bowed my head; "There is no peace on earth," I said;_

_"For hate is strong,_

_And mocks the song_

_Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"_

_Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: "God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;_

_The Wrong shall fail,_

_The Right prevails,_

_With peace on earth, good-will to men."_

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_Until next time, Joyeux Noël Eponine._

_Enjolras._

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_3__rd__ January 1915_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I open this letter by stating that the French bureaucracy really need to improve their mailing system as you are asking me about my Christmas which now seems so long ago, actually, if you will let me indulge in a little silliness, it feels like over a year ago!

Enjolras, it sounds to me like that was a delightful way to spend Christmas. It pleases me to hear that both sides were able to ignore this war – even if it was for just one day and celebrate together. That is after all what Christmas is all about spending time with our loved ones, and the ones we care for most. However, please do not interpret this as a criticism on how you chose to spend the day. I am not surprised that you viewed the day with contempt. What you are saying is true, in fact, many of the men who were mingling with each other are probably already dead, killed by the men they shared their Christmas meal with. You are unlike the others Enjolras. You do not live in the moment, you do not engage in activities without thinking about their consequences completely. When the other men leapt over the trenches, they were not thinking about the war that was to resume the next day. They were thinking that in that they did not want to fight on Christmas, rather that they wanted to enjoy themselves even if it were for just a day. You Enjolras are not like them. It is amazing how much I have learnt from you in these months, considering we only really met a few months before you left for the front. I never thought it was capable to truly know someone without seeing them frequently but I feel as if I know you now, and hope you feel as if you know me.

Please do not take this offensively, but when the other men were jumping over the trenches you were already thinking about the next day and how these men would have to die for the French to win the war. I admire you for that, for having the ability to look ahead. I know if I were there I would have definitely jumped at the chance to play football, I also know that the next day I could not possibly fire a gun at the men with a clear conscience.

We had the most wonderful Christmas this year Enjolras. I haven't spent a Christmas with my family all together and none of us fighting or starving in so many years. I hope that this is the first of many to come. Next year we shall all spend Christmas together? I would like that.

We escorted Gavroche and some of his school friends around the city for most of Christmas Eve as they went caroling on the Seine, outside Notre Dame and of course at the Arch de Triumph. Needless to say we were all absolutely exhausted by the time we arrived at Church for midnight mass – I had to prod Gavroche just to keep him from falling asleep – I could just imagine the lecture we would have received from the priest if we were sleeping during the second most important mass of the year, he probably would not let us back in next year!

After mass, Gavroche was so tired he just went straight to bed, which worked out perfectly for Azelma and I, as we were able to stuff a pair of his shoes with lollies, chocolates and dried fruits! We ate like kings on Christmas Day, indulging in some seafood, which I have never had before but had heard it was a Parisian Christmas tradition and therefore felt the need to try it. Oysters and Lobster and oh my Enjolras while it was incredibly expensive it tasted just beautiful. We also set an extra seat at the table for you. We all pray that you will be home for Christmas next year. Following our meal, Gavroche read to us a little poem he bought at the market last week and while it is not as beautiful or well crafted as "Christmas Bells", I absolutely love it and think it definitely deserves a place on your bookshelf. You will find it at the end of my letter and I am sure you too will enjoy it.

We then went as a family to the hospital to spend time with the wounded soldiers and brought them some Christmas treats. They seemed to be enjoying them until the nurses ushered us out complaining something about "allergies". I think the nurses were jealous because they no the soldiers enjoy my cooking far more that theirs, really they should employ me as a cook not a nurse! We were so terribly busy that still now over a week late we are recovering!

Please remember Enjolras that this Christmas would not have been possible if it was not for the incredibly kindness that you have shown us over the past few month. I know this must be getting repetitive and tedious but I need you to know that we are forever appreciative for all that you have done for us. You are an incredibly kind man and we are so, so thankful to have the privilege of knowing someone as honourable as you.

Please write again soon Enjolras, remember, I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to (Even though it may take me a month to reply). I hope everyone there is well. Stay safe Enjolras and we shall speak again soon.

Yours truly,

_Eponine_

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Oh! I forgot, here's the poem, it's called "A visit from St. Nicholas" and it is an absolute treasure!

_'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house_

_Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;_

_The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,_

_In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;_

_The children were nestled all snug in their beds,_

_While visions of sugar plums danc'd in their heads,_

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I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

From

_Eponine._

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**AN: I am back! I managed to survive my crazy intense assignment week, I think I passed but whether my grades are high enough for law school is another question :(**_  
_

**I must say I really enjoy writing Enjolras's letters, they just come so much easier than Eponine's, I'm not too happy with her part of the chapter this time.**

**Just quickly I'd like to let you all know that I have an ExE oneshot which I posted a few days ago if you would like to read some more of my work (I think it is very different from this) than feel free to check it out. I am actually really proud of it.**

**Thank you to everyone who commented, followed and favourited from my last post. I really didnt expect such a great reception to this story. A special thank you to preciousat (who has commented on every chapter so far) I really really appreciate it! As well as a thank you PerkyTurkeyBaby for your lovely comment as it is very much appreciated. Thank you J91 for wishing me luck for my assignment, I really appreciated it. I hope I did justice to Christmas of 1914 for you, I too have always found those events incredibly fascinating. Also thank you for letting me know about how far women's education could go in the 1910s I really appreciate it and will probably use it later on in the story.**

**Also: There will be another character entering the story to change things up a bit, feel free to guess who it is :)**

**Thank you for reading and/of favouriting and following. Please remember that comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I do not own Les Miserables (I also can't be bothered putting something witty here)**

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_16th January 1915_

_Dear Eponine,_

I know Christmas is a time to be spent with loved ones, and that is why I spent it writing to you. In these few months I have been away you have been my only link to the outside world and I am forever grateful for that.

It delights me to hear of the wonderful Christmas you have had this year and I must say that I definitely hope to be celebrating with you next year over an incredible seafood platter.

I am very pleased that you enjoyed my Christmas story and I daresay I was thoroughly surprised to read the little poem Gavroche picked out. It was very short but I felt captured the anticipation of Christmas so well. Tell Gavroche he has done well and that I cannot wait to read the books he has added to my collection when I get home.

Unfortunately since Christmas conditions have worsened. I am not sure if the news has reached France (though it would not surprise me if the government is withholding it) but there has been a maritime disaster in The Sea. In fact there have been a few disasters and we are running dangerously low on supplies. Though that is not the worst part.

It has become a routine that every week, a ship arrives to collect the dead. It is a morbid task but must be done to prevent the spread of infection, attracting rodents and of course to remove the smell. This ship hasn't come in almost a month. At first we thought that it might have been due to Christmas and New Year, perhaps they were taking some time to spend with their families. However it has quickly become evident that these ships have been caught in the bombardments on the Sea. The smell is putrid. So bad that many of us are unable to eat or sleep. It has become just another challenge to deal with; another little war with the self, to see if one can withstand the stench of rotting bodies.

We have seen our friends injured, our compatriots die and now this damned war is making us deal with the smell of their rotting corpses in this hell. I remember travelling up this way of northern France as a child and thinking how much I loved it. Everything was so lush and green unlike Paris which in comparison resembles a dark and dirty Hades. But it wasn't like the green of the south, which was bright and exuberant. Rather, it was darker, with shades of red and grey through the leaves.

It disgusts me to see how the landscape has been destroyed by the war. It is nothing more than dark brown and grey. The land is desolate and there is no sign of life for miles unless you count us men in the trenches among the living.

I do not think we are. We are somehow functioning but inside I can see it, we are all slowly dying. I remember men who I arrived here with so optimistic and so full of life who have now spiralled into deep depressions they cannot seem to get out of. In their sleep men pray to the Lord that he will just kill them but he never does. These men, the ones who are begging to escape live longer than those who are full of vigour. It is as if it is God's punishment. He takes those who want to live with him and leave those who want to die here on earth in perpetual purgatory.

I apologise for this letter. It is dark and it is dreary. In fact, I believe all my letters are becoming like this. It is all I am surrounded by and I feel as if I am forgetting what happiness is.

I know sadness; it is watching men get shot dead as they climb over their trenches.

I know anger; it is when our commanders force us to keep fighting even when we all know it is fruitless.

I know relief; it is the moment when a bullet sails past you skull so closely that you feel the heat radiating off it as it passes.

But I do not know happiness. That feeling is completely foreign to me.

Perhaps it is the feeling I get when the mail arrives and I know there is a letter in there for me. It is the only moment here when I feel joy, when I receive a letter from you. I let some of the other boys read it too. Especially those who never receive letters from home. I cannot possibly imagine what it would be like for them. You are what keeps me going here Eponine. I never ever thought I would say this or that I would feel like this towards someone but Eponine, I am relying on you. You are what gets me through the darkest days here. When it feels as if the bombardments will never end and on those nights when I am trying to sleep but can hear the cries of my dying countrymen who have been abandoned in the plains.

The knowledge that I have you to write to gives me purpose; it makes me wake up in the morning and forces me to keep on fighting. More than ever right now I am desperate to return to Paris. I am homesick, I miss the warm fireplace and the feeling of a full stomach but most of all I am beginning to miss you. The sound of your voice has long faded from memory and I wish that I spend more time trying to absorb it when I was in Paris. Though I can still remember how you look, your smile and your dark eyes. I remember shy Azelma and tiny Gavroche and cannot help but wonder how much he has grown in the time since I saw him last.

I wish you all the best, and hope to see you soon.

_Enjolras._

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_January 31st 1915_

_Dearest Enjolras,_

Look! Three letters in the space of a month! Perhaps the French government is rifling through our letters and has listened to my complaints about this pathetic mailing system, or perhaps we are just lucky? I prefer to believe the former.

Enjolras, all I want is for you to be back home in Paris. It tears me apart every time I read a letter from you and every night as we give grace we pray for your safe return, you are correct in stating that the French government is withholding information from the public as we have heard nothing of ships sinking in the Sea. I do not believe they are keeping it from us with malicious intentions but rather in order to prevent morale from sinking lower than it already is.

People are not happy. Every day the lists go up with the names of more and more Frenchmen dead and people are beginning to ask what it is for. I know you will tell me that it is to protect the Motherland but this war seems futile. We entered it under the understanding that the fighting would be over in a couple of months but it has almost been half a year and there are no signs that the Axis powers or the Allies are making any progress at all.

The people are not happy and I believe they may take to the streets to voice their opinions as all true Parisians do.

I forgot to tell you this in my previous letter but over Christmas the nurses gave me a few days off from work. It was snowing outside and with nothing else to do I decided to search for that book you recommended to Gavroche, Antigone. He has been quite busy with school work lately and hasn't had time to read it, so I decided to curl up next to the fire and give it a go.

I must say Enjolras it was a strange little book. It only took a few hours to read but I spent half of that time believing that I was reading a novel and not a play! Once I realised my error it became far easier to read as I was not trying to figure out how the stage directions fit into the rest of the story.

It was such a passionate tale, though I would expect nothing less from you and also a tragedy like one I had never read before. It was one of the first books I have ever read in full and most definitely my first ever Grecian tragedy. I am wondering if you know whether there is a theatre is Paris which shows these plays, I believe Azelma and Gavroche would thoroughly enjoy it.

Azelma is still as shy as always around strangers but Gavroche has almost doubled in height – he is much taller than Azelma and almost as all as me. I believe it is due to the better quality of food he is eating as well as the frequency he is eating at, it is difficult to grow when you are starving. Gavroche is almost thirteen now and has decided he will follow in your footsteps and read law at Paris-Sorbonne University. Now he just has to work hard and get the grades to do so. I believe he is more than capable of it, perhaps one day you two can work in law together.

Enjolras, I must say it is practically impossible to forget the sound of your voice. I have heard it shouting over men so many times at the Café that the sound of it is practically etched in my brain. Wait, not practically – literally! When I read the letters it is your voice that I hear in my head, always loud and passionate – I cannot imagine you talking in any other way.

Everything is continuing on here as it always had. We have fallen into a pattern of routine which at times can be tedious but is most of all comforting. Sometimes I get bored but the truth is, I would never give up this lifestyle. For the first time in my life I feel safe, and I have you to thank for it.

Before I leave you I must ask you one more question. Do you believe in the concept of spies? The government has told us to be careful with whom we are talking to about the war and have even gone as far as to encourage us to stop discussing it altogether. Enjolras, do you really believe there could be spies in our midst, do you think people would be willing to betray their country to the enemy? I pray not. I know from experience that humans are cruel and fickle creatures but I would like to think that in times of hardship like this that we would all bind together to protect our nation. The idea that there are people out to subvert your attempts to protect our nation disgusts me and I pray that the reports are not true. What do you believe? I trust your judgement more than anyone else's and I know that you will tell me the truth.

Finally, I give all my love to you and the rest of the men on the front who may be reading this letter. I keep you all in my heart and in my prayers and hope you may soon return safely home.

Stay safe and write again soon.

_Eponine_

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**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this latest update, thank you for reading, following, favouriting and commenting, I really really appreciate it. Please remember that comments, reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated (and really inspire me to write!).**

**Thank you preciousat for her comment I really appreciate it. Thank you to J91, I am so torn about how to end this series I genuinely can't decide how to end it but your idea was so cute! and to PerkyTurkeyBaby it is so fantastic to hear someone tell you that you are doing something properly so thank you :)**

**I hope to update a few times this week but I have 3 assignment due straight after the Easter Break (damn you university)**

**Happy Easter everyone!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I do not own Les Miserables**

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_10th February 1915_

_Eponine,_

To hear that you have enjoyed Antigone brings me great pleasure and I do agree with you, it is an incredibly passionate tale, though that being said it would have to be something far more impressive than the simple notion of love to provoke that kind of passion from me. What did you think of Creon? I believe him to be the epitome of ancient Grecian literature as well as perhaps one of the most flawed creatures we have witnessed to this day in literature. Whilst he is portrayed as an excessive and controlling man his love for his daughter was an incredibly human quality. A difficult feat to portray no doubt and one of the many reasons as to why I admire the Classical Grecian writer.

I also enjoy their portrayal of female character. Antigone for one reminds me of you Eponine, she is fiercely loyal, passionate and dedicated to her family. That is why I believe you enjoyed the story, you saw a lot of yourself in the protagonist as did I. I now encourage you to read Medea, by Euripides, another story about a passionate woman whom I believe bears no resemblance to you I promise. It is another incredible Grecian play which I am sure you will enjoy. It is somewhere in my bookshelf, please read it Eponine you will not regret it. It brings me great pleasure to find someone else who enjoys Classical pieces the way I do, I shall continue to recommend more as you continue to read.

Things have been quiet here on the Front; there have been some small skirmishes but nothing to have caused any serious causality. That term disgusts me "serious casualties" any casualty is serious. The loss of men, be it one or one thousand is a serious matter, and should be treated as so.

I apologise Eponine, I had hoped for this letter to be a joyous one, a change from how I have been writing to you as of late. However, I am afraid that joy is sensed by the God of war and immediately destroyed. I was forced to leave the letter as it was written above to join in some fire and now that I have returned, I can't possibly continue without discussing what I have witness.

I apologise Eponine, feel free to throw this letter out now. It will be confronting but I fear it will kill me if I do not write it down.

You described Gavroche to me even though I remember him quite well. He was always such a mature boy, though he never looked a day over ten. I struggle to believe that he is now thirteen, and now almost taller than you. Though I remember you being quite small in stature so perhaps that isn't very difficult to do.

After we had finished fighting I had returned to my usual, quieter corner of the trenches to write to you. Often other men join me, together we write to our loved ones and try to best articulate what we witness on a day to day basis so that you at home can comprehend it. Other times the men who read your letters come to read what I am writing to you. I find it a gross invasion of my privacy but I cannot deny these men. They have no one to write to, no one to read letters from therefore I allow them to imagine that they are part of our exchanges. I will do whatever I can to prevent these men from breaking down, mentally at least; the physical however is out of my control.

As I was writing I could hear the cries of one of my fellow soldiers. At first I tried to ignore it, block it out but that soon became impossible. It was piercing and gut wrenching and made it impossible for me to write.

So I walked towards the cries. I am still not sure if I regret finding their source or not.

Lying bleeding to death was a small boy, probably around Gavroche's age. There were numerous bullet wounds on his body and it was evident that there was no saving him, so the doctors had discarded him in an attempt to save lives. I understand their logic, in fact, if I were a doctor I would have done the exact same thing but I could not help but feel disgusted about how this child had been left alone to die when he so desperately wanted someone to be with. So I sat with him. I assured him that he would be alright and told him that some more nurses were coming to help him. He told me he was from Nantes, he was the family's only son and that just last week he had turned fourteen. I held his hand which was cold and covered in blood and spoke to him as the child's breathing became more and more shallow. I told him his family is proud of him and that his nation was proud of him. I promised I would ensure that he was sent back to his family in Nantes and would not be left to rot like so many before him have. Then he seemed to gain his strength back turned his head to where I was sitting beside him and thanked me, he then just looked up at the sky and told me all he wanted to do was go home.

I felt it, his last breath leave his body as I held his hand. I could feel that his presence was no longer there and then noticed he was no longer breathing. It was perhaps the first time yet that this war felt truly pointless. It was the first time I truly hated this war.

I could accept dying; I could accept seeing my friends die, but a child? No, it disgusted me, sending children to the front is not a way to win this war.

Something needs to change if we are to win this war. I am furious, I apologise if you find this letter too confronting, and you know I have no one else to write to.

Yours Truly

_Enjolras._

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_23__rd__ February 1915_

_Dear Enjolras,_

It is truly terrible that you had to experience a child die before you, it is not what you signed up for when you entered this war. But then again, I do not think anyone, not even our government considered how bad this war would get, how many lives would be lost, especially on the Western Front.

Families of slain soldiers are annoyed, and they are taking to the streets to voice their opinions. They are annoyed that you have been based in Northern France for over six months and have made no progress at all. They are questioning why so many men must die, why our superior forces cannot beat the Germans.

I ask you again, because you didn't reply to my question in the last letter but do you think there is a possibility that spies might be the reason why we are not progressing in this war? I feel as if it should have been over months ago. On the wireless all they do is discuss how this may become one of the longest wars in history and I do not want it to.

I want you to come home. You deserve to be home. I've been beginning to imagine what life will be like when this war is over (sometimes, I like to imagine that I just wake up and both sides have called a truce. I know it's unrealistic but it gives me hope). Your apartment will be too small so I was thinking of renting another apartment in the building. I could cook for you and Gavroche could go over to your house and read your books. I feel like this war is the only think preventing life from being absolutely perfect.

As each day passes I realise that Gavroche is getting closer and closer to an age where he can forge his papers and be recruited into the army. The worst part about it is I know he will enlist without my knowledge. He knows Azelma and I will do our best to talk him out of it so he will go out of his way to avoid the conversation.

I am absolutely terrified of the day when I find him packing his backs to leave us for the front. I know that day will come. At night over dinner he talks enthusiastically of war stories which he has heard that day at school. At the hospital he looks at the soldiers as if they are heroes (which of course they are). However his adoration for them seems to cloud the fact that these men are lying in a hospital, riddles with disease and infection, some of them are dying and many of them are missing limbs but he cannot see that.

Reading your story just makes me feel even more ill about his dreams of becoming a soldier. I just want him to stay safe and the only way I know he will stay safe is if he keeps out of this war. I feel like everyone is leaving. The streets of Paris are almost bare and only elderly gentlemen fill the saloons. Those nights in the café seem so long ago now. In fact they seem like a different lifetime. The laughter, the drinking and the speeches all seem so foreign to me now, as if I read them in a novel or witnessed them only in a dream. I miss those nights in the café; the city has lost the life, the spark it once has because it has lost the men that set it alight.

It was men like you and your friends Enjolras who made this city what it was. You with your romantic, passionate ideals, Combeferre's strong determination, Jehan's beautiful words and Courfeyrac's warmth as well as the rest of the men who all bought their own element to you group. It was as if each of you represented a part of what made this city so great; Joly's joy, Grantaire's excessive nature, Feuilly's artistic ability, Bahorel's enthusiasm for life and Bousset's optimism, even when times were extremely difficult.

Without all of you this city is just as shell of what it was. It feels empty and cold as if the beauty that Paris is known for around the world is gone. And I miss it, I miss you.

I feel like we could all use someone like Bousset in our lives. We both need someone to cheer us up, to tell us to keep going and that only good can come out of winning this war.

I just want this war to be over; I want you all just to come home.

I found Medea last night; it wasn't in your book shelf but in your bedside draws. Did you read it before you left to the war? I hope to start reading it tonight.

Oh and in regards to Antigone and Creon. I feel terrible for Creon, his stubbiness damaged his family in a way that can never be repaired and as for Antigone, she was a strange girl, incredibly passionate but incredibly stupid. I am sorry Enjolras but I do not like to think of us being similar at all. I must say I disagree with you on that point.

Some of the men at the hospital noticed me carrying Antigone around for weeks and I have now decided to start reading it to them when I have some free time. They ask about you, the kind man who has allowed me to stay at his apartment. Whenever I see them they ask when I received my last letter and if you are safe and still on the western front. They care about you as I care about you. Enjolras, there are more people looking out for you than you think.

Stay safe and write again soon,

_Eponine._

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**AN: Wow, lots of reviews and follows last chapter, thank you! Thank you for reading, following and a special thank you for reviewing!**

**I would like to thank the guests who took the time to comment, I am really grateful of it.**

**Thank you to PerkyTurkeyBaby for your lovely comment, I wish I could write a happy E/E chapter but it seems impossible, they all turn out so depressing.**

**Thank you to midnightwren for your comment, I really appreciate it.**

**To Hannahzzz thank you for your comment and your experience in Belgium sounds incredible and also so sad. I felt the need to allude to what you said about them only advancing across the road in this chapter. It just makes these deaths seem so pointless, those men did not deserve to die. It is actually a dream of mine to go to Belgium, France or Turkey next year on the 100th anniversary of ANZAC Day but I don't think I will have the money to make it.**

**To J91 thank you for commenting again. I have to agree, Enjolras can not return home and things will be perfect, he will be permanently damaged from this war like so many men were, it would be wrong to just gloss over it, that's exactly what makes ending this story so hard. (that was in no way an illusion to how the story will end - I genuinely have no idea yet!)**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, favourited or followed, please remember, constructive criticism is _always_****appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I do not own Les Miserables**

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_16__th__ March 1915_

_Dearest Eponine_

I am writing to you as I know you are probably terribly worried. I wish I was able to write earlier but unfortunately I have not had a single moment to do so. It was decided by the English that we should attack the Germans, push them back past Ypres. The general idea was to take them by surprise and force them to unexpectedly retreat. We were so hopeful, so sure we would be successful but I am sure you have heard the stories in the paper or on the wireless by the time this gets to you.

It was an absolute disaster, what made us think we could defeat the German forces with so little artillery bombardment is beyond me. I know you are probably confused at my words. Perhaps I was too caught up in nationalistic allied fervour to realise that success was not feasible. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking, I do not know. However all I know is that there is no point dwelling on what has, or what could have been, I am sure our commanders are already turning their attention to our next battle, and I am turning my attention to changing this corp.

The moral here is so low that most men already have one foot in their graves. In fact, I believe our commanders and lieutenants expect us all to die any day now.

It is true; the German troops are absolutely incredible. So disciplined, so well trained and their equipment is far superior to ours but that does not mean we must give up. In 1789, the people of France did not have the equipment of the Swiss Guards, nor were they as well trained but their passion and desperate need for change bought about the revolution which made our country the brilliant nation it is today.

As French troops we must do the same, we must embody the spirit of the men of 1789, we must fight against all odds, we must not give up and if so, we must sacrifice ourselves in order to succeed.

I know you must be rolling your eyes at my comparison but the men of the Revolution have always inspired me and if it is what keeps me fighting than I shall continue to believe that it is how we should approach this war.

I believe that there must be a change in our management, they need some new, different ideas and I intend on giving it to them. I have discussed it with Combeferre and he agrees, we are not going to win this war using their stale and expected techniques. There needs to be an injection of fresh spirit, and I intend to be that spirit.

I have begun gathering men, in small groups so to not raise the suspicions of our superiors and we are discussing the possibility of mutiny. It is a risk, a great risk but one I think that we need to take if we want to have any chance of winning this war.

Hopefully the war will be over before Gavroche chooses to enlist. I have no idea how the other boy slipped through the age restrictions but generally one must be at least 15 years old to enlist. Gavroche is thirteen correct? Therefore we have two years to ensure this war ends.

I promise you Eponine, Gavroche will not go to war, he will never see what we have seen. I will work my hardest to ensure this.

Eponine, while I thank you for your kind words about the group and I but I encourage you to remember that no one person or one group of people make France. Rather this incredible nation makes us into the people we are, it shapes us, it transforms us and it moulds us into who we are.

She can be a cruel, harsh nation but she can be beautiful. We must work to find the beauty in her which is the beauty in all of us.

I must say Eponine; it has been a long time since I have felt this alive. It's like I have a purpose now. I will not be pushed around by incompetent superiors; I will not mindlessly follow their orders. Why should I? I believe that I am more than capable of commanding this army than most of the generals here and I intend to make it happen.

There are some in our battalion who are writing to other men who are further down the front. Communication is so easy with some letters taking less than a day to arrive (yet it takes weeks for them to get to Paris? It is not like France is a particularly large country). From Ypres to Verdun to Alsace men are not happy. As they watch more and more of their friends die the fire of revolt burns within them. It is time to capture this flame, to use it to our advantage, to overthrow these useless commanders and put an end to this war.

Wish me luck.

As for your question on the spies I believe it is a very real possibility. The notion of it disgusts me of course (as it would any loyal Frenchmen) but the truth is that many people's loyalty can be bought. Pay a man the right amount of money and he will spill all the secrets of the French military and it would not surprise me if it has already happened. I firmly believe there are French spies in enemy territory gathering information for us about the Germans so why would there not be German spies here looking for information on the French, it just makes sense.

Also before I leave, I thought about your comments on Antigone and how you disagree with me, so fourth right with your opinion that sounds just like something Antigone would say!

I truly look forward to seeing and speaking to you soon, I firmly believe that if we get the men on our side, this war will be over before the year is done.

Speak to you very soon

_Enjolras._

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_3__rd__ April 1915_

_Enjolras,_

How you love to tease me! Perhaps if we are continuing this, I must question why a man so filled with passion and revolutionary fervour has a bookshelf full of romance novels? Perhaps that is too forward, even for Antigone?

I cannot even begin to express to you how pleased I am to finally receive some relatively good news from you. I can practically hear the hope and enthusiasm in your words and it pleases me so greatly. I can almost hear you giving troops uplifting speeches about overthrowing old governments just like you did in the café and I believe you will be as inspiring as you always have been.

We did hear of the battle back here in Paris, however, it seemed as if most of the blame was placed on the English forces rather than the French and we definitely heard nothing about our troops being poorly armed.

It is amazing how this war, and how talking to you has made me so critical of our government. I believe they want to avoid more dissent from the people here in Paris and that is why they are reluctant to tell us of the French involvement in the war. Sometime I become convinced that they are staggering the release of the names of the dead so that people will not revolt when they discover that hundreds if not thousands of men are being killed every day. Whatever I hear on the wireless and what I read in the paper, I am always suspicious. I truly do not trust our government to give us all the information for this war. Look! I am beginning to sound just like you!

I have tried speaking to some of the ladies at work about this but they just brush me off stating that 1) It is all in God's will or 2) We must trust in our government. But I do not trust our government, though I do trust you. You have shown me over these months that you are willing to tell me the details of this gruesome war rather that only tell me what you think I can handle. I want to know everything that is happening on the front and I thank you for telling me.

Though I must express this one worry of mine, what if our mail is intercepted and the French military discovers you plans. What is any of the letters your men are sending up and down the front are intercepted by the military – be it British or French? What will happen to you? I would expect that they would punish you severely and therefore I pray that you stay safe, and do not allow your voices to be heard too loudly until you are sure that all men are willing to rise up alongside you.

These men need someone like you; in fact the whole of France needs someone like you, especially right now.

We need someone who is willing to stand up for his beliefs and who puts the future of the nation ahead of all his personal endeavours. I pray that your rebellion is successful; I pray that you will be able to end this war and I pray that you will be home for Christmas.

It is now early April and it appears as if life is being breathed back into Paris. The trees are all beginning to flower again and I believe that there are much more people out on the streets – which only makes sense now that it is no longer winter.

I was speaking to Madame Julien from the floor below and she told me that spring and summer are her favourite seasons when it comes to cooking - apparently it is the time when produce is at its best. She has promised to teach me how to make crab quiches, strawberry and orange soup and chocolate hazelnut soufflé. I promise to let you know how I fair.

I am most excited about the soup. You may not know this but I absolutely loath soup and therefore never make it. I remember when we were much younger maman used to make us fish broth or chicken broth and how I used to loath it, and it never kept me full either. Apparently it is healthy for me but I do not care, if it does not taste nice then I do not want it! But I love oranges and I love strawberries so I am expecting this soup to be incredible. I have also promised the soldiers to bring them some if it turns out to be as nice as it sounds. The nurses still shake their heads at me and complain about 'allergies'. I asked one of the women to explain to me what this allergies was and she could not! Not a single soldier has dropped dead from my cooking yet and that makes me conclude that these allergies simply do not exist. The nurses are just jealous that the soldiers enjoy my food far more than they enjoy theirs!

Honestly Enjolras, the food must be even worse than you describe it over on the front. The soldiers devour absolutely everything that I serve to them, even the food that Azelma and Gavroche refuse to eat (pea, broccoli and radish soup…never again). Maybe they will send me to the front so I can cook for all of you? I doubt it, but then at least I would be able to see you, it has been far too long and I really do miss you. I cannot wait for this war to be over.

I would also like to thank you for promising to keep Gavroche away from this war. I know it is beyond your control but I really do thank you for keeping him in your prayers.

Good luck with everything Enjolras, I hope to speak or even see you soon, all the best, stay safe.

_Eponine_

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**AN: Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this much happier chapter.**

**Thank you to J91 for giving me the idea/inspiration behind Eponine's letter I was really struggling to inject some happiness into this story and your comment really helped :)**

**Special thank you to PerkyTurkeyBaby for her comment, I actually enjoyed writing her letter so much more than Enjolras's letter last time, usually it's the other way around.**

**Thank you to caligirlsd99, A. and StarkidBella 92 for your kind comments, I will try to update soon but uni is being evil and giving me tons of assignments to do grr!**

**To hannahzzz thank you for commenting again, I really appreciate it. I am a history nut so I definitly think I will enjoy the trip when I get to go**

**J91, wow thank you for picking up my mistake I have now corrected it also thank you for your comment, it prompted me to do extra research into this essay. I will now go an reply to your comment as this AN would go forever if I explained it all to you now. **

**Again thank you to everyone who has read, commented, followed or favourited, I really appreciate it. And remember _constructive _ criticism and reviews are always appreciated. Oh and you may see links to this floating around on tumblr, I have started a tumblr page for my writing. I will post it next time as I am falling asleep right now, it's 3:30 in the morning!**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Les Miserables belongs to Victor Hugo.**

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_April 19th 1915_

_Dear Eponine,_

Romance novels? I do not call them that, rather they are examples of the incredible literature of Grecian playwrights. I believe these novels are necessary to own and read if one believes themselves to be a true lover of the classics. However, your playful antagonism reminds of how Antigone teased her family, the more I talk to you the more I think I should start addressing these letters directly to Antigone.

Also Eponine, never ever say you want to come and visit me. You should not have to see what I see every day; you should not have to witness this carnage. Wait for me, one day, hopefully soon, I will return home to you.

I understand your concerns completely and they also reflect the concerns which I have too. However, letters are our only form of communication and the idea of a secret form of code worries me. I can imagine sending out the message to rise on a particular day, but having each division interpret the code differently and thus rise on different days. Though that being said, people may misinterpret me even without the code, and therefore nothing is without risk.

There is a possibility of our plans being discovered but it is a risk I will have to take. If we have the opportunity to change the course of this war then I will take it. I will risk getting caught if it means that there is a slight chance that this war can end faster.

I have begun trying to listen to more of the generals' conversations however, after a few minutes they notice me lurking suspiciously around them and quieten down. I have been able to gather that they intend on turning it into a war of attrition. They believe that in total they will have more troops than the axis powers and therefore will be able to eventually overcome them.

My interpretation of this is that this war will be continuing for years and we men on the front will just be used as cannon fodder until the Axis powers run out of men.

It infuriates me. I hate to admit it but the Axis soldiers are better trained that the Allies. We lose ten men for every one man they lose. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that if we were to continue this war, we would run out of men before the allies would. That is why we need a change at the top of this army. We cannot afford to continue on in this way if we want to win the war.

More and more men from up and down France are communicating with each other and I really am beginning to believe that men will rise up when we make the call and it excites me. I feel as if there has been a change in the spirit or the morale of the men. I feel as if there is almost a small sense of hope within our camp. It is extremely small and completely unspoken as if if the words were said aloud the atmosphere would be ruined, the generals would discover our plan and the revolution would be over before it even had the chance to begin.

It is a nice change I must say from the dreary, pessimistic conversations which used to fill the trenches. Now there is chatter everywhere, soldiers discussing better ways of winning this war and openly criticising their commanders. We do not worry about them overhearing us. They do not live in the mud as we do, rather they have commanding tents with access to telegraphs, nice food and most of all, beds. We have two blankets to wrap around ourselves and sleep in huddles to keep warm. It's just another example as to why thinks needed to change – like they needed to give me any more motivation!

Well Eponine, I must say that I am proud of you; it really pleases me to hear that you are beginning to cast a more critical eye towards our government. If only more people were like you and were willing to ask for more transparency and for some honesty from our government. And ask those women at your hospital how their God could allow men like us to watch our friends die, to hear the cries of men losing their mind when try to sleep. When we close our eyes all we see are the images of our fallen comrades. Ask them what God would allow this and please, tell me what they say. Nothing infuriates me more than people who believe in God's will or fate as an excuse for theirs or others misfortunes.

Now, onto the subject of your incredible cooking. I am so happy that you have met Madame Julien. In the lead up to our exams at university she would make so much food and force us to go to her home and eat. She started doing this for me when I first moved in to the apartment she saw me during my first set of exams and apparently I looked like I had just risen from the dead. She forced me into her home and made me one of her famous steak au poivre; it was the only food I had eaten all day apart from coffee and stale bread. The next day I made the mistake of telling the rest of the boys about it and they started studying at my house, on the living room floor, complaining loudly about how famished they were until Madame Julien knocked on our door and invited us downstairs.

It became something of a tradition, the boys; much to my dismay would stay at my apartment during the exam period. We, well most of us would study for the whole day until Madame Julien would barge into the apartment and drag us away from our work, take our mind of the exams and feed us the most luscious food, honestly, her cooking is brilliant.

However, a word of caution with the soufflé; be careful how much sugar you put in it as it can get very sickening very quickly. We used to have this cook back when I was living with my parents who put far too much sugar into absolutely everything including her savoury dishes, honestly the woman made the jus for our veal so sweet that we thought we were eating dessert! But that seems like so far away now, and god know what I would do to be able to taste that food now, even if it was so sugary.

Please let me know how your cooking goes, I cannot wait to finally taste your food when I get back to Paris. I hope you are all well and I shall speak to you soon. Oh just before I forget, is the strawberry and orange soup a dessert or a savoury dish?

Take care

_Enjolras_

* * *

_May 3rd 1915_

_Dear Enjolras_

You are a romantic and don't try to deny it. I believe I may have spotted Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice while cleaning your room. But of course, defend yourself by stating it is a classic. Sure, or are you reading it hoping to one day find you own Elizabeth Bennet? Oh you are so much fun to tease!

Yes Enjolras I absolutely adore Madame Julien! We have gone to her house several times now for dinner and she takes me to all the best markets in Paris. Her granddaughter is currently staying with her from Bordeaux and she too is an absolute delight.

I'm not quite sure what the soup is meant to be and I am far too embarrassed to ask Madame Julien what exactly it is. We ate it as a savoury dish but the next morning when I got up there was some left over and it was cold so I had it like a drink and it tasted fantastic! I can also imagine soaking biscuits in it too. So it is a true multipurpose dish. I have started making it for the men at the hospital and they too absolutely adore it.

However, the same cannot be said my crème soufflé. It was a disaster, it was so flat and never rose, according to Madame Julien it was because I did not whisk the egg whites enough, but my wrist was in so much pain after just five minutes that I gave up and just poured the half beaten eggs in. I do not have the time, or the patience for these fancy desserts. I shall stick to my cakes.

Also, I'm not sure if Marius told you or not but last week was my birthday, I turned 20. What a terrifying age! I am sure that if I were still living at home my parents would have tried to marry me off by now. In fact I hardly even know a woman to be 20 and unmarried, though that being said I hardly know an unmarried woman who lives in a man's apartment with her younger siblings. I truly am unique!

I spent most of my birthday working at the hospital which I didn't really mind. I tended to some wounds – the women have finally allowed me to start working on infections as well as some basic stitches. Then they allowed me to sit in and watch how they reset the bones of a man who had broken him arm. It was absolutely fascinating. I could not possibly ask them your questions Enjolras, they would immediately fire me!

After Azelma and I had finished work and Garvroche returned home from school we made some crepes and ate them down at the Seine. The sunset is absolutely beautiful at this time of year. In fact, everything about Paris feels beautiful right now, I just wish you were here to enjoy it with me. I am counting down to the day when I will finally get to see you and thank you for changing my life. If you had told me a year ago that I would be living like this, I would have said that you were dreaming but it seems as if my dreams have come true and you are the reason for this.

Please be careful when discussing your plans. It would not surprise me if the army would use the firing squad on you if they found out your plans. They cannot afford to have dissent within the army ranks, especially not when it is rife here in Paris. There have been rumours that the café that you and your friends used to frequent is being used by women who are unhappy with how long and deadly the war has been thus far and are trying to bring about change.

I know they are only women and the government will not even consider their opinion but it is better than nothing. I am hoping to go to these meetings sometime soon, though I have to make sure Gavroche doesn't find out as he will brand me a traitor and never speak to me again (or at least for a couple of days). After hearing of the plans to make this battle into a war of attrition I cannot possibly sit back idly and let it happen. It terrifies me to say it but if it becomes a war of attrition none of your friends or you will be returning home. You have already survived an incredibly long time in those trenches and it will only get more and more difficult to remain alive if your generals continue to disregard human life as they have done so far in this war. I do not know how I will cope if you die. I have been writing to you for almost a year, thinking about you, wondering if you are safe that it has become a part of me. I do not know what I will do with myself if I do not have your letters to look forward to. I eagerly await this war's end so that I may see you again.

I need you to return home.

If this becomes a war of attrition Gavroche will be sent to the front to die. I will not allow my brother to become cannon fodder.

I support you Enjolras and I wish you all the best in your attempt to make some fundamental changes in our military. Hopefully by the next time I speak to you some of these changes will be in motion.

All the best

_Eponine._

* * *

**AN:****Thank you for reading.**

**I am not very happy with this one but I felt that I needed to get something out as it has been a while since I last updated. I will try and update again on the weekend.**

**Thank you to everyone followed and favourite the story, I really appreciate it.**

**Thank you to ThinksInWords, I can't believe someone actually recommended my writing, wow thank you so much to whoever that was, words can't describe how happy I was when I say that (I may or may not have happy danced for a few seconds in my room). Thank you so much for pointing out that I had spelt Enjolras's name wrong (wow talk about embaressing) I went through this one week where I forgot how to spell his name, it was weird. I have now done my best to fix all the errors. But thank you for your comment and thank you for reading I really appreciate it.**

**Thank you to J91 thank you for your comment and for once again pointing out my errors, I really appreciate it and always quickly fix it once you point it out. I thank you for you comments and hope you enjoyed the next chapter.**

**I would also like to thank PerkeyTurkeyBaby for commenting again, thank you so much I really do appreciate it.**

**Thank you to yellow111, DitzyBrunette89 and for your lovely comments, they are very much appreciated and really motivate me to keep writing.**

**Again thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, favourited or even just read. Constructive criticism and comments are always appreciated :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Is at the start because I am leaving you with something special at the end. Sorry for taking so long to update (and this is a little short) but I have the next 5 chapters planned out and ready to go!**

**TcEM, thank you for your lovely comment, I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**To J91, damn I became clichéd haha thanks for your comment, I think what is important there is that we haven't ****heard ****of any deaths thus far…**

** thanks for your lovely comment, I really do worry about how their relationship progresses and it's really reassuring to see that you think it's going well. Also I noticed that you commented on my other story a while ago, thank you, I really appreciateit.**

**Unchartered Brainwaves, thank you for such a lovely comment and thank you for noticing that line! It came to me last minute and I think after 9 chapters they should at least acknowledge how much they mean to each other :) Also I believe Eponine did have feelings towards Marius at the start but is beginning to realise that if he really cared for her, he would be writing letter like Enjolras is.**

**To PerkyTurkeyBaby, thank you for your comment, I think a lot of people are put off by the writing style so it's fantastic to see that you appreciate it.**

**JondretteGirl, thank you for your comment, as I said above deaths may or may not have happened, news spreads slowly during wartime, but you'll just have to keep reading to find out**

**Babslebaker I went and listened to that song, it's by an Australian guy which I loved! His voice is incredible; I can't help but wonder if he is signed to a label yet, I hope so.**

**Ninuska Thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate them and thank you for saying it's in your best ever WOW! I really am enjoying writing Eponine's letters now as I feel she's getting more settled in and comfortable in her surroundings, I really liked writing her letter this chapter especially. And yes it is a really fine line between communicating Enjolras' feelings and staying in character, it's actually really hard.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, followed and reviewed.**

**Sorry for such a long AN. Now, onto the story!**

* * *

_May 16th 1915_

_Dear Eponine,_

No, unfortunately Marius did not mention your birthday to me, but please Eponine do not take offense or be angry at Marius, most of the boys still think we are back in March, your letters help to remind many of us what day it is and how long we have been here. I am sure if Marius knew what day it was he would have reminded me and probably sent his best wishes to you. Everyone here in the trenches sends you their best wishes and by the sounds of it, you had a very enjoyable birthday.

Now, yes it is true you may have found a copy of Pride and Prejudice because as you said, it is a classic; therefore it only makes sense that I own it. And as for Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I admire her wit however I find her stubbornness intolerable. However, I strongly encourage you to read Medea; I believe it depicts women in a way that Austen would never dare to.

My birthday is on November 9th however I chose not to celebrate it. I believe that it is pointless to reward someone for entering into the world. We should be rewarded for what we do for the world. That is when we should celebrate. Everyone enters the world but very few people change it. We should celebrate those who change the world and not simply reward people for getting older. To me, it is completely pointless though that stop anyone from celebrating it.

I was about to engage in rebellion planning alongside the men along the front however, instead I chose to discuss how unhappy the men were with one of my superiors. That was a mistake. They refused to listen to me; in fact, they practically threw me out of their makeshift office. I cannot understand why they would do that. These men are losing this war for us and are too proud to listen to any other opinion of it. We are the men on the field, we are the men risking our lives yet they refuse to listen to us. It infuriates me so much that I can barely articulate it. Combeferre keeps telling me to calm down. He still believes that we can negotiate ourselves into a position of power. I do not want to negotiate any more. I tried it; it did not work; now it's time to go with my method. We spontaneously rise early in the morning, we depose our leaders and hold them as prisoners, we then begin to organise the battalion differently, allow the men to have more influence in our battle plans, change techniques and surprise the Germans. I am so sick of being a pawn of these French lieutenants, I am ready to take power, I am brimming with ideas that I am sure will bring about an end to this war. The fact that these men have denied me legitimate access to this army means I will just take it illegitimately. I am no Combeferre and I will have no issue with doing it.

On a less serious note, I find it absolutely inspiring to hear that ladies are using the café to discuss their political beliefs and voice their opinions. It is about time that we allowed women to attain a greater role in our society and I am sure their minds will bring about brilliant ideas which will also help change the course of this war. Eponine, I encourage you to attend these meetings; you are just what they need – strong, opinionated and determined. You can voice your own opinions and speak to the women of the perils of war, you can tell them what I am writing to you and use it to inspire them and further our cause. I truly believe that it is time you get involved in bringing about an end to this war. You tell me how your words (and food) immediately help the soldiers when they are in ill health. Therefore I believe you must have some talent in oratory. You cannot waste this skill in the hospital, you must be out on the streets, encouraging the people, and perhaps you will have the power to start a rebellion on the streets of Paris whilst I start one here in Ypres.

Before I leave you, I must ask you this on the behalf of one of my fellow troops. A few days ago one of our men; Andre Martin was severely injured after a cannon ploughed into the trenches. The doctors here were able to stabilise him but were forced to send him to Paris. I am just curious as to whether you have heard about him or possibly even treated him or at least if you have any news of his survival.

I wish you all the best, please Eponine do start attending those meetings and write to me of your developments. Hopefully the next time I speak to you I will have taken a commanding role in the army; hopefully we will be on our way to victory.

Speak to you soon.

_Enjolras._

* * *

_May 28th 1915_

_Dearest Enjolras,_

I have heard of your friend Mr Martin. He was brought into the hospital; the cannon had blown off the bottom half of both of his legs. I have no idea how he managed to survive the trip to Paris but he arrived to us in a relatively stable condition. Unfortunately he developed an infection in one of his wounds. The nurses amputated further but believe it spread through his blood stream. He died four days after arriving in Paris, I'm terribly sorry. I never got to talk to him, he spend most of his time unconscious as he was constantly being operated on. Though if it was any comfort, when I walked past his bed, his face was relaxed, calm and peaceful. I like to think he could not feel any pain.

It leaves me quite shaken when I hear of men dying in your battalion, it reminds me how close you are to death everyday and it terrifies me. You must come home, you will come home alive.

I have begun to read Medea and I must say I had to check back through your previous letters to make sure that you did not compare me to her – thankfully you did not. She is an absolutely treacherous woman who I believe was evil to her absolute core. To think that she would do that to her children all in the name of revenge is disgusting and horrifying as well as the true definition of a woman scorned. Though I must comment on how interesting it is that the classic writers gave women more agency than the writers of today do, perhaps society is not progressing but regressing.

Your news in regards to the generals definitely leads me to believe that. Considering you have not made any ground in almost a year you would expect them to welcome absolutely any help they could get but of course not, they are far too proud. Gavroche said they could be worried that you would challenge them from the warm proper bed when you become commander and that's why they would not listen to you. If only it were that simple.

The meetings have been interesting. All the women gather in the upstairs room for the café and they read the papers and discuss the events. They all voice their opinions which I think is just delightful but they seem to lack the cohesion and direction of a group who is willing to actually do something to enact change. They seem to be more than content to just talk and believe that as women, it is not their place to be challenging the government and trying to influence war and politics.

Whilst it is a start I am still disappointed.

I was hoping to meet a group of empowered women, who were willing to fight our government, to protest and strike on the street, instead what I saw was a slightly more radical group of nurses. They need someone to unite them, someone to take charge and be the leader these women need. The need someone to follow, someone to listen to. They need someone like you. I remember how you used to rally the students and fight for equality. I remember your strike for free education for all, I remember how some teachers joined you. You were and still are inspiring, we need someone like you.

I am far too shy to speak up, I feel as if these women do not care for my views. They all seem so much more mature and worldly. They draw on comparisons from old English and Russian wars and discussing in great depth the ways that history is repeating itself. I feel as if I am back in the café when you were here. Do you remember how I used to sit in the corner trying to hide the fact that I was listening? You probably did not even notice me, I remember how enthralled you were in your speeches and how the boys, how almost every person in the café would hang on your every word. It was incredible and it was inspiring. You are exactly what we need but what we can have.

I know you want me to stand up; it's just that I feel completely out of depth with these women, they are eloquent and use words I barely understand. The only reason why they let me join the group is because appear to be bourgeois like them. I promise you that if I had tried to join this group as a street urchin they would refuse me entry. That also needs to change; if we are to rise up against this government we need everyone who is willing to support our cause, not just the rich. The government will not listen to the voice of a handful of angry women but thousands of angry women; well they made Louis listen in 1789 who is to say that we cannot make Monsieur Poincare listen in 1915?

Perhaps I will start writing a speech, though I will send it to you before I read it before the ladies. Perhaps you can make it sound more bourgeois and more sophisticated.

Stay safe Enjolras, I hope the next time I speak to you you will be the leader of the French Armed Forces.

All the best.

_Eponine_

* * *

**AN: Comments, reviews follows and favourites are always appreciated.**

**Next week is ANZAC day, the day when Australian and New Zealanders remember their fallen soldiers across a number of wars. Below is a poem they read out at the dawn service, the ANZAC day football match and all other ceremonies. It was written after WWI and I believe is probably the most emotive four lines I have ever read (I tear up almost every time I read it), therefore I decided to share it with you, and hopefully you will all appreciate it.**

_**They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;**__**  
**__**Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.**__**  
**__**At the going down of the sun and in the morning**__**  
**__**We will remember them.**_


	11. Chapter 11

_5th June 1915_

_Eponine,_

I hope you have written those speeches and I do look forward to reading them. Remember what I said months ago, if you want to see change, you need to actively create it. No one is going to change the world for you; you need to do it yourself. Do not allow yourself to be intimidated by bourgeois ladies, they may speak using words you can barely understand but that does not mean that their arguments are worth more than yours.

Back when I was holding meetings at the café I made the mistake of declaring that these meetings were to be held for men only. Yes, I did see you sitting there with Marius but I did not want to engage in yet another argument with the boy and even so, you sat quietly and really did not bother me much. But my ruling was a mistake; I prevented half the population from getting involved in my cause. My ignorance cost me dearly. You must not and obviously do not intend to make this same mistake and I believe you will be successful.

Anything that the people can do back home will help our cause. Unfortunately I have been unable to organise a full uprising since I last spoke to you. I was intending to rise almost a week ago however the Germans have seemed to have employed new tactics, with devastating effects. There was a treaty signed when the war commenced that stipulated that both the axis and allies alike would abstain from chemical warfare. Obviously the axis powers have grown sick of this war too and have resorted to a new low. Gas filled our trenches; it burnt our throats, our eyes, and our skin. Thankfully it has been summer, as the gas has burnt some of the men's skin until it is raw and has been unable to wear their heavy uniforms. The gas has killed men further up in the trenches, we were fortunate that one did not get thrown into our area, then we would most definitely be dead.

I cannot help but worry about how dangerous this war could get if chemical warfare is to become common place. The war is already so treacherous and so deadly that it is almost unimaginable but this is nothing compared to chemical warfare. There is the ongoing risk that these chemicals may be carried in the air to civilian cities and towns and then you will all be in danger. Armies will be useless against the power of chemicals and this war will very quickly become unwinnable. It is imperative that this war ends soon. I do not want to alarm you Eponine, but you want to know the truth and this is it. We are defenceless; our weapons will do no good against the new techniques employed by the Germans. I would be lying if I said I was not worried. I am absolutely terrified. Over the past year I've learnt to handle a gun and if I say so myself I am quite an accurate shot but there is no avoiding the gas. The worst part is if my rebellion succeeds and I lead the armed forces I have no idea how to improve the situation. I have no idea how to fight these chemicals, no one does therefore I cannot help but think we are doomed.

And then I also think what if I had those weapons at my disposal, would I use them? Combeferre feverishly insists that he would not, and I like to imagine that I would be as noble as him but what if it could end the war? End the future suffering of thousands if not millions? Does that make it justifiable? Does that make the actions of the Germans justifiable?

This is what they should start teaching at our universities, questions of ethics and morality, it would lead to the most brilliant discussions and debates, in the trenches we have heated conversations over it, imagine what it would be like in a university hall.

I really do miss university, studying and keeping my mind active. I am worried that I am beginning to forget all that I have spent my life learning. That was why this rebellion gave me such enthusiasm. It gave me the opportunity to immerse myself in something, to think long and hard about solutions to problems and critically analyse the actions of our current leaders. But now after the attack, morale around the men has dampened and I have had to put my plans on hold until they all recover and regain their enthusiasm. Hopefully I will not have to wait too long.

I hope all is well for you in Paris and I encourage you to attend more of those meetings and start speaking at them. Trust me when I say they need someone like you.

Please write again soon.

_Enjolras._

* * *

_June 17th 1915_

_Dear Enjolras,_

We have been absolutely overwhelmed here at the hospital following the German's use of poisonous gas on the Western Front. From what I have seen here I am surprised you are able to grip a pen and write. Some of the men I have treated are covered in the most horrible burns, blisters and welts. They cover their bodies from their toes and hands to their faces, it is truly terrible. Men are dying and many are blinded or have suffered permanent damage from the gas. It is absolutely ghastly. I remember when I first walked into the hospital almost a month ago. It was full of men covered in these terrible burns. It looked like the apocalypse and the priest hovered around the beds of the men, giving the last rights to the dying, it was so sad. Some of the men's faces are so badly disfigured that we cannot recognise who they are. Sometimes we are able to contact families and we encourage them to come visit their loved ones. When they arrive at the hospital they wonder around looking for a familiar face but they are unable to find them. They only recognise their voices and you can see it on the faces of the families, a mix of relief and horror. What they do not realise is that for every visible scare there are thousands that they cannot see.

I have not been back to a meeting yet Enjolras, perhaps I will when I am not so busy. This war has become all consuming, I barely sleep any more, I am constantly at the hospital. I am not sure if word has reached you Enjolras but this war is just getting worse and worse. Everyday more and more men are dying and I just want it to be over. I am exhausted, this war is fruitless, it is pointless. I just want it over. I cannot even begin to imagine how terrible it must be for you and the rest of your men.

When time frees up a little I intend on trying to read the Social Contract again – hopefully after all this reading you have encouraged me to do I will now be able to understand it. There have been rumblings around the city and discussion of a new ideology, invented less than sixty years ago. They are calling it Marxism and I cannot help but wonder if you have heard of it and what your opinion on it is?

Enjolras, I apologise for taking so long to write to you and writing such a short letter. I do feel terrible about it. I wish and I pray that you stay safe. I also pray that the Germans stop using the chemical gas. I have seen these men suffer and it is the most inhumane way to take a life. I know that this is war but there is no need to treat other men like they are animals.

Please Enjolras, stay safe and write again soon, please stay safe, I beg of you.

_Eponine._

* * *

_July 19th 1915_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I am sorry if you feel as if I am bothering you, it's just that it's been almost a month and you are usually quite prompt in your replies and therefore I cannot help but feel a little worried. I have even brought myself to check the names of the dead which are listed on the board but I have not seen your name there. Mail from the western front is being received at the hospital and that is how I know the mailing system has not ceased to function again. Therefore I am worried.

I understand if you are busy, I have no issue with that, you are fighting a war after all however please, just take a minute out of your day to even scribble on the back of this letter that you are okay. That is all I need, to know that you are safe. I know I sound terribly selfish when I say this but I cannot go on like this, not knowing. I am losing my mind. Every day I spend well over half an hour reading over the names careful to ensure that I have not missed yours. And then sometimes it feels as if my eyes are playing tricks on me, and I see your name written on those paper from the corner of my eyes, but when I check again I cannot find it. I cannot concentrate at work, I cannot read and I cannot even fathom going to one of those meetings. I am totally and completely consumed with worry to the point where it is totally and completely debilitating.

Please Enjolras, please be alive, please receive this and please write back to me. I really miss not hearing from you.

_Eponine._

* * *

_August 8th 1915_

_Enjolras_

I am not quite sure why I am still writing to you. Your name is yet to appear up on those boards but I am struggling to remain optimistic. Remember how we discussed the government holding names back to hide the alarming number of deaths? I am afraid that you have become one of those men. I pray that you did not die in pain; I pray that you did not suffer. You do not deserve to suffer; you do not deserve to die like this, in this damn war. This stupid pointless war fought by our ignorant and egotistical leaders who cannot see how they are destroying this great nation.

I miss you so much that words on paper do not nearly begin to describe how I feel. You had so much more life in you. You were meant to come back to Paris, to come back to me. I know if it was up to you, you would have done so.

A small part of me hopes that you are still alive, and that is why I am writing this to you. So if you receive this, if you are alive please just let me know. If whoever is reading this knows of your fate please, I beg of you just let me know, just put me out of my misery.

_Eponine._

* * *

**AN: Thank****you for reading**

**Thank you for your comment TCem, I actually have something similar to that planned, but for much later on in the story :) great minds think alike haha.**

**OnginalMaz thank you for your comment, that's great, I imagine him being an intense brooding scorpio, Eponine in born on the 19****th**** of April.**

**J91 thank you so much for saying that, I really do listen to my readers and value their opinion and its great to see that someone else sees that so thank you. Hopefully I'll incorporate more memories in upcoming chapters. Again thank you for reading and commenting.**

**Hilindi97 thank you so much for such a lovely review, I am also quite torn about how this should end, I am still undecided but thank you for such a lovely comment.**

**And ThinksInWords, thank you for commenting, I am really excited for what I have planned for this women's group in upcoming chapters and I hope you enjoy it too.**

**Again thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, follow, favourite or review, I really appreciate it.**

**At three in the Morning is another ExE oneshot that has become a three shot and then a new story I am writing is called Titans and it is basically ExE MxC set on the Titanic, so feel free to read those if you would like to see more of my work.**

**Please remember reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated. Also a quick plug for my other stories.**


	12. Chapter 12

_August 23rd 1915_

_Dear Eponine,_

It is Enjolras here, I am still alive. I apologise for taking so long to write to you. The truth is I have been in some sort of solitary confinement for what feels like years and have only just been released back onto the front. Combeferre was keeping the letters for me, but out of respect for my privacy chose not to open them and therefore he was unaware of how taxing my absence has been on you. That being said he does apologise. If he had known what you were writing he would have most definitely replied, at least to assure you and inform you as to what was happening.

I do not know why I did it, perhaps mostly out of despair but I decided to accelerate the rebellion. I know in my last letter to you I said that I was going to avoid rebellion but I am not quite sure what came over me. It was as if I woke up one morning and just knew that this was our chance, that this was our opportunity to rise. There was no time to rally the men from further along the front. It was completely spontaneous and I must admit, we did take our admirals and generals by surprise. But that was where our success ended. English reinforcements quickly arrived and it quickly became evident that our rebellion had failed. Some of our companions lay dead around us whilst many others were injured.

It did not take them long to realise that it was I who had begun this rebellion and I was taken away from the front. I do not know where I went exactly, but I remember being forced to walk for almost a whole day until we arrived at some sort of bunker that I was hurled into. I cannot even remember how long I was therefore. There was no sunlight, I was barely ever fed and had very little to drink. If I thought I was unrecognisable before it is impossible to even imagine how I look now. Combeferre tells me I resemble a skeleton but so does he. I have had to shave all my hair as it was covered in lice and I am sure that before long my teeth will start falling out. This has been a truly terrible war.

They would torture me when I was in confinement, with anything they had. My whole body still aches with bruises and I am sure one of their kicks broke a few of my ribs. Though that was not the worst. They would electrocute me, sending thousands of shockwaves through my body. It would continue on until I was unconscious. Even now, as I write to you my hands tremble uncontrollably as I do apologise if you cannot read my writing. I do not stop shaking now, never. I can barely hold a gun and I most definitely cannot shoot straight. My fellow men fight in my spot as I sit towards the back of the trenches and watch them sacrifice their lives for me. I fear that there may be some permanent nerve damage but at least I am still mentally sound, I can still think and I can still talk which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of men here on the front who have completely lost their minds.

In my opinion it is understudied, the science of the mind, what prompts us to think, to move and to feel. So many men have disappeared from the front since I went away, but I have been told that these men have not died, not physically at least. Mentally they have broken down, to the point where they are no longer able to fight, no longer able to function. They might as well be dead; they probably wish they were dead as they will never truly live again.

When they first let me out of my torture I could not help but wonder why they kept me alive. I was so sure they were going to kill me and I believe I spent many days there on the edge of death. But then I realised that they would not kill me because death would provide me with an opportunity to escape this war, I could escape this pain and escape this perpetual hell. Death would be a relief, it would be a gift. Keeping me alive is the worst punishment they could think of, they seem intent on destroying me and believe that sending me to the front will achieve that. They are smart, they know what they're doing they would much rather drag my pain and suffering out over years through this war than kill me instantly.

I was allowed to return back to our battalion at Ypres where I was made an example of. The men could see the bruises and the burns and would watch my hands curiously as they would shake uncontrollably but they would not approach me. They just watched from a distance. Of course Combeferre and Courfeyrac did not hesitate in welcoming me back. Their fearlessness prompted the other men to approach me and ask me what I have experienced. I am yet to tell them.

I am worried that if they know what happened to me, they will never be willing participants in another rebellion. Though all ideas of rebellion must be ignored right now, our generals watch us; try to listen to our conversations to ensure that there is no dissent. I do not bother talking any more, I do not do anything. My rebellion failed and now there is nothing, I feel pointless, directionless, I am so sick of this war, it needs to end but knowing that I cannot do anything to bring about this end kills me.

I am so sorry Eponine. I know but cannot understand your pain. I do not want Gavroche going to the front. I wanted to end this war so he would not have the opportunity to do so. I have failed Gavroche, I have failed you and all I can do is ask for your forgiveness.

_Enjolras._

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_13th September 1915_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I was so sure you were dead, I was absolutely positive so when a letter arrived I expected it to be your death notice. I was overjoyed when I read that it was not. I will not forgive you because there is nothing to forgive you for. Do not carry the burden of this war on yourself, do not busy yourself with rebellion, just stay alive and come home. Perhaps hearing of the horrors of the war will put Garvroche off joining the army. Perhaps he will realise how dangerous it is. Hopefully the war will be over before he has the chance.

What they did to you was wrong Enjolras. I do not care if your actions were treasonous. They treated you worse than an animal. You are fighting for them – on their behalf, you want France to win this war just as much as they do and this is how they thank you. They beat you within an inch of your life trying to destroy you not only physically but mentally. These men are pigs and I cannot fathom how they could treat one of their fellow countrymen like that.

I have lost all faith in this country and in this war. I loathe everything about it. The people running this nation are lost. They are more concerned with gaining power whatever the means necessary that they do not realise they are severely damaging the nation. There have been rumblings that the Americans are considering joining the war following the sinking of the Luisitania. Oh Enjolras how I hope they do. They could bring about an end to this war. They are such a strong nation, all we need is them on our side and this war is won. How I pray it ends soon.

I am slowly but surely working my way through The Social Contract. It takes me over ten minutes to read one page but I try to make sure that I have understood everything before I move on. I must say, his topic is quite interesting but it is written in such a long winded way that it makes reading it absolute torture. Though that being said it has given me some ideas for the speech I plan to present at the coffee house once it is written.

You said it was far too dangerous for you to continue you rebellion in the trenches and I agree. Therefore I have decided to continue your rebellion here on the streets of Paris. I am so angry, so furious with our government; in fact I do not think I can remember ever being this passionate about politics. You have changed me. Writing to you and reading your books has involved me far more in political ideas than I could have ever imagined.

However I have the problem that my mind is constantly buzzing with ideas and I cannot seem to put them on paper into logical and coherent arguments but I am slowly working through that. The other issue is that the basis of my argument is rather extreme. I have decided to draw of Rousseau's social contract, especially emphasising the part which states that the people have the right to overthrow the government if the government breaks its Social Contract with the people. Therefore I believe that we have the right to overthrow our government and promote people who have the best interests of the people in mind to power.

However I believe this idea is far too radical to tell the people at the café right now. I need to find a way to build up their trust and confidence in me, I have no idea how to even start doing that and therefore I am appealing for your help. One possibility is to tell them your story. How these people have treated you, a loyal countrymen. I hope that that story will enrage people as much as it enrages me and therefore encourage them to support my view. However, I just want to confirm that you do not mind me sharing your story before I go and tell it to the ladies at the café.

Also Enjolras, please tell Combeferre not to worry about not opening the letters for me. I congratulate him on respecting your privacy, I know I would have read the letters regardless of who they were addressed to. Also you did not tell me your views on Marxism which I myself am finding absolutely fascinating. Imagine a world where everyone works together for the common good. Where class divides no longer exist and where everything is equal. To me it sounds like something out of a story book, but still it sounds absolutely incredibly. Just imagine if France was not divided along class lines? Well it would not seem like France at all.

I have also spoken to one of the ladies at the hospital about the effects of electroshock treatment. She said that there is a very real possibility of nerve damage but that it is unlikely to be permanent. However, the problem is that nerves take a long time to repair and therefore she believes it may be years before you may gain back full use of your hands. I am terribly sorry Enjolras, no one deserves to experience what you have and suffer so greatly for it.

You are in my prayers and in my heart. Every day I await your return, I pray that you stay strong and most importantly that you stay alive. I could not even begin to imagine what you experience every day, I just pray that you will come out of this war alive and not so physically and mentally scared that you would rather be dead.

Speak soon and please stay safe,

_Eponine._

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**AN: Thank you to everyone who commented last chapter, it was really amazing the amount of feedback I received and I really appreciated it. I also hope you liked this chapter and explanation of Enjolras' absence.**

**I am unsure how widely used confinement and torture were used in WWI but I have had this idea as soon as I came up with the idea for this story and decided to run with it.**

**Thank you ThinksInWords for your lovely comment and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Thank you PerkyTurkeyBaby for commenting, Enjolras lives to see another day, I hope you liked this update.**

**TcEM so I told you I would update tonight but it is early morning so I guess I failed haha I hope you liked this chapter and that it was worth the extra wait.**

**To StarkidBella92 thanks for commenting, I hope that this update provided you with a suffice explanation for Enjolras' disappearance.**

**Thank you for such an amazing compliment, I think I'm terrible at emotive writing so for you to say that you could feel Eponine's emotions is amazing, thank you.**

**Unchartered Brainwaves I am terribly sorry for the cliff hanger, there are no more in the foreseeable future, thank you for such a kind comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**To ItsPotato, you will be hearing about the other Amis very soon, thank you for such a lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed my other work.**

**Thanks to the Guest for commenting, I really appreciate it**

**Ninuska, I will probably post a link to the ceremony that the poem is a part of just because I think it is absolutely incredibly and so so emotional and I'm glad that you appreciated it. I think Enjolras is a very utilitarian being and I do not think using poisonous gas is beyond him, especially if it will save more lives in the future, just an idea :) I hope you enjoyed this and my other stories.**

**To J91 wow you have an incredible wealth of knowledge and I did incorporate your idea about the Americans into this chapter so thank you. If I write about gas in the future I will definitely do a little more research to ensure that everything is factually correct. As for Combeferre I think he is just trying to survive the war, just make it our alive it's Enjolras who drags him into the rebellion. To me he has managed to disconnect from all the violence around him in a way that Enjolras and Courfeyrac cannot. His aim in this war is to survive, he can change the world later, he is far more patient than Enjolras. And as you can tell Enjolras has taken a turn for the worse this chapter. I am still yet to see War Horse though it is currently on stage where I live, I might rent it out to try and get a better perspective of WWI – I will let you know. Thank you so much for another incredible comment.**

**Sorry about the really long ANs, if you would rather me reply to you all via PM than let me know and I will :)**

**Comments, reviews, follows and favourites are always appreciated.**


	13. Chapter 13

_29th September 1915_

_Dear Eponine,_

It seems as if all hope is not lost here on the front as I believe my rebellion has been heard further up the ranks as the French commander in our battalion has been moved elsewhere. Now we are being led by an Englishmen. I cannot help but wonder why this has happened. Either the French have acknowledged that we are losing the battle, or they believe that our French commanders are becoming sympathetic to us rebels and therefore have given us less sympathetic English generals. I am not quite sure what to think or how to go about approaching this new commander. I am sure his predecessors have filled him in on my actions; I just pray that he may agree with me and that we can try once again to end this war.

As for more texts I would recommend the Encyclopdie, which is a compilation of works by an array of philosophes which was published in the years prior to the revolution. It discusses everything from the separation of powers in a democratic government to the amount of influence the church over the state. The book was banned throughout France when it was initially published though it was rumoured that King Louis actually had a copy of it in his library. It is by far the most comprehensive work regarding the spread of new ideas which are particularly influenced by the notions of knowledge and reason.

The book is extremely large and it will take you a while to get through it all but I recommend you work hard to read it all. I believe I have a copy of the Enclyclopedie at home which you can you. A second collection of writings I recommend is the works by Abbe Sieyes particularly What is The Third Estate. Whilst it was written just prior to the revolution of 1789 I think the themes in it are still prevalent today. I feel as if we have all become part of the third estate; controlled by those who believe they have more importance than us. Use these documents as inspiration, listen to what they are saying and incorporate their ideas alongside your own. Another piece I encourage you to read is the Magna Carta. Whilst it's original intentions are questionable, I encourage you to read it as you may be able to draw some inspiration in regards to what to argue against our government. Also, your observations on the Social Contract and incredibly sophisticated and I admire you for how closely you have read the text. Honestly, you have understood the piece far better than many of the men I studied at university with, I truly admire you it and I must say I am proud of you, you always say you struggle to read my books but obviously you are doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

Whenever I plan my speeches I like to write all the ideas I want to discuss down first – I generally limit it to three ideas per speech. I then look at the three ideas and figure out how they all link together, then I plan my speech from there. Remember your speeches do not need to be long all you need to do is express your ideas succinctly and engage your audience. I suggest you also write down the concerns of your audience and keep them in mind when you are writing. Whilst what you are saying may be important, if you do not appeal to your audience they will not support you.

In regards to your question on Marxism, I actually remember the first time we were shown the works of Marx and Engles at university. I have never been present in a class which generated such debate; it was also one of the first times I was in agreement with Marius on a political issue and in opposition of Combeferre. That indeed was truly remarkable. My personal view is that Marxism is a brilliant idea but that is all it is; an idea. In theory it is far too difficult to implement, in fact I believe it is almost impossible. As I said it is a wonderful idea, all people united, working together and receiving the same pay, education and what not however there is a fatal flaw in this plan, people will not settle for equality. There will always be people who aspire to be better than the rest, there will be people who work harder than others and with therefore expect greater reward that is the fatal flaw with Marxism. Meanwhile Combeferre believed that through education people could be taught to unite and work equally together for a greater good. To me there will always be sections of the population who will strive to be better than the rest. I believe in equal education, I believe in equal opportunity for work but I do not believe in putting a limit on what someone aspires to be.

Fighting has not been too intense here on the front which has greatly benefitted my in my recovery. I thank you for your concern. Thank you for asking the nurses about me and I could very well be suffering from nerve damage, Combeferre suggested that too. Though I must say, whilst it is good to have a tentative diagnosis the fact that these nerves may take an eternity to heal is not good news to me. I know the men will get themselves killed trying to defend me, I know the men will get sick of defending me and they will have every right to. They cannot afford to be carrying cripples. The truth is that they would be better without me. They know it, I know it. I hate being useless but the truth is I am. I hate being dependent on others but this war has may me dependent on others, dependent on you, dependent on my fellow troops and I hate it. I feel like a shell of the man I once was and I blame this war for it. This war is destroying everything it touches.

Please Eponine, please keep praying for me, you are at the forefront of my mind at all times and I pray that you think of me too. I miss you and I hate that I am wasting all my time here when I could be back in Paris with you getting to know you. I long to meet you are truly see you. I just want this war to be over, I want to return to you, to Gavroche and Azelma, I really miss you.

_Enjolras._

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_October 11__th__ 1915_

_Enjolras,_

Thank you for writing to me. Though I must question the veracity of your letters as you have just told me that fighting has not been so bad over the past month but I know you have been lying to me and to be honest, I am furious. Initially I delayed writing this letter and waited for yours to arrive to allow you the benefit of the doubt but alas it is true, you are lying to me.

How is Courfeyrac? I am just curious because you have not mentioned him in your most recent letter. Of course you have not mentioned him because he is currently in my hospital in Paris, with his leg broken in four places. I can barely articulate how furious I am right now. You write to me telling me that you will always write the truth to me but now I turn up to work to see Courfeyrac lying in a bed with the bones in his leg being reset. In case you are curious about his condition we are unsure if he will ever be able to walk without assistance again though we have not broken that news to him yet. If there is one thing that we can say for sure, he will not be returning to this war not unless this war is still continuing ten years from now (which would not surprise me.)

I cannot believe this; you encourage me to tell people of Paris of your endeavours. You want me to start a rebellion in Paris but you refuse to tell me the truth. You are not just lying to me when you write; you are lying to all the people in Paris who are relying on people like you to gather their information. I am constantly writing to telling you how I cannot trust our government and you encourage me to question the government but you are no better, in fact you are just as bad as the government. I felt like I was so well informed about the war, that I was privy to information that everyone was not but now that has all been a lie. I was basing my speeches of what you had been telling me about the war but now I find out that you have been lying all this time. I do not want to lie to the people of Paris the way you have lied to me. I will not deceive them.

Who else has been injured on the front? Who else has died? What else are you lying to me about?

Everyone here in Paris is fine, people are unhappy but that is no different to what you read every time I write to you. Yes, whilst it may be repetitive at least I am telling you the truth. Azelma wants to go to art school which we clearly cannot afford so that is becoming a real issue at home. I've told her to try for a scholarship but she is furious at me for 'crushing her dreams'. I cannot help but interpret her words as incredibly selfish. Whilst men like you are out there dying in a pointless war I am ruining her life by denying her attendance to some elitist art school. I cannot help but believe that if she is so talented she should be able to become a famous artist without the help of this school but she disagrees. Meanwhile Gavroche is still attending school and is still counting down the day until he can sign up for the war. I am hoping that he will see Courfeyrac and understand how treacherous this war is and will then decide against signing up. I have heard of some countries bringing in conscription which truly terrifies me, even if I can convince Gavroche to not go to war this government may force him to go anyway.

I am terribly sorry for writing such a short letter to you but the truth is I am angry, I am furious but most of all I am hurt that you do not trust me enough to tell me everything you experience on the front.

_Please stay safe._

_Eponine._

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**Finally! Another update, I hope to update again mid this week. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please remember reviews are always appreciated.**

**To J91, thank you so much for your lovely comment, I actually just borrowed War Horse of a friend after your recommendation to gather a bit more information of life on the western front. This week was ANZAC day in Australia and we learnt that hundreds of Australian horses were sent off to WWI and only one returned alive which was sad. I hope you liked my description of Enjolras' view on Marxism, I hope it was in character. Again thank you for your comment I really appreciate it.**

**thank you for your lovely comment, in high school we briefly studied Voltaire's text on tolerance but I will probably need to read more before writing further on it but I will definitely work to include it in the future. Thanks for a fantastic comment.**

**PerkyTurkeyBaby thanks for your comment it was sad but the army cannot afford to have someone try to start a rebellion. I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Hannahzzz I cannot wait to go to Ypres and learn about the history there. I am the same as you, learning about it but its so sad. It really makes me hate war. Thanks for your comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**To Ninuska, thank you so much for a lovely comment, I hope you enjoyed all the political talk in this chapter even if there was a little too much, I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Hillindi 97 thanks for your comment I really appreciate it, this chapter you learnt of the fate of one of the Amis and in the next few chapters you will learn of the lives of a few more. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Lady B90 thank you for such a lovely compliment and I hope you enjoyed the update.**

**TeEm thanks for such a lovely comment on this chapter and on my other story, I really appreciate it, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter.**

**To ClytemnestraOfSparta, thanks for a lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed this next update.**


	14. Chapter 14

_31__st__ October 1915_

_Eponine,_

I keep the truth from you because I care for you. I keep the truth from you because I want to read your hopeful words. You are the only light of hope in my life and the enthusiasm in your words is literally all that is keeping me alive. I keep the truth from you because I do not want this war to destroy you the way it has destroyed me. But of course, do not consider any of that, rather accuse me of being heartless and equate me on the same level as this damn government which is slowly but surely sending me to my grave.

Yes Eponine, I am exactly like our government. I am sending young men to their graves, I am voluntarily fighting in this hopeless war, yes this has been all my idea and blame me because according to you this is all my fault. And I will take your blame because I do not care anymore. I take everyone's blame.

The other day a man sacrificed his life for me. I had barely spoken to him but he stepped in front of me and pushed me away from the front of the trenches and in doing so took a bullet for me. He bled out in front of us and I was suck, frozen like a coward as he bled out next to me. Other men looked at me with disgust as their comrade died, coughing and spluttering in the mud. And then they would look at me, a shadow of the man I once was, a broken shell we both know I'm useless and every day I am tempted to launch myself over the trenches, have my body torn apart beyond recognition. I would put myself out of this pain and you and my fellow soldiers will breathe a sigh of relief as both of you will be free of the burden that I am. I would not be the first to take the fate of this war into their own hands and I most definitely will not be the last.

But back to your questions which you so desperately want answered. I hope you enjoy the truth.

Your dearest Marius has been absent from the front since late last year. That is why he did not mention your birthday to me. But do not worry Eponine, your Marius is not dead. Rather, his grandfather negotiated a deal with the army which say his grandson removed from the front and allowed to study in Cambridge with his dear Cosette. He does not have the dreams that we have, he is not injured, he has not been broken. He has the opportunity to go back and return to his normal life, he gets to function like a proper being again. He ran away, he is a coward but now that he is in Cambridge surely you can attempt to reunite with him again.

Bossuet died in the first battle at Alsace and Lorraine, that's right; I've been lying to you for over a year. Jehan wrote to me informing me of Bossuet's death as he had been fighting close by. As far as I know, Jehan is still alive.

Grantaire is drinking more than he ever has but at least he is still alive and writing to us. He and Bahorel were instrumental in our first uprising as they were perhaps its most enthusiastic supporters outside of men within our own battalion. When their battalion was called in to reinforce troops further up north, Bahorel was one of the first they sent over the front. Grantaire, ever the cynic tells me it was because he was causing too much trouble. They wanted to shut him up so they got him killed. I believe him and I wish I suffered the same fate. Just the thought of Bahorel no longer living is soul destroying. To think he was a man so enthusiastic about living his life that our government decided to rob it from him. This is not just a war between the Allies and Axis powers. This has become a war within our own ranks, against each other and against ourselves and I am losing.

There you are Eponine, there is your truth and I hope it makes you happy. Go now and speak truthfully to your women. Preach to them with all your newly acquired information but I will tell you this; rattle off a hundred grim stories about death and they will not follow you. They want hope, they want light because that is what they are searching for. That is why they are at the café they are looking for light in the darkness and they want you to provide it for them. They are relying on you to provide it for them. They are bombarded with death by the press and if they wanted to hear more of it they would just spend their hours next to the wireless rather than come to the meetings. They come to the meetings to hear stories of hope so do not let them down.

Thank you for informing me of Courfeyrac's condition, I did not know he was to be transported to Paris, otherwise I may have told you, so that I would not have to receive a letter filled with such hate and such fury – more than I have received from any enemy soldier this whole war.

In regards to Azelma and her art school, in the bathroom there is a lose panel in the floor next to the bath, there is more money under there, feel free to use it. She has the right to live out her dream and you have no right to take it away from her.

I guess that is where I leave you, I hope all is well in France, I pray that all is well with you. But do not bother writing a proper reply. Please instead go ahead level more accusations at me, blame me for this war. Hate me. I do not care anymore.

_Enjolras._

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_8__th__ November 1915_

_Enjolras,_

You know I do not hate you but you are right, I am angry, I am furious. You open your letter by telling me that you care for me but your words betray you. Someone who cares for another does not speak so harshly of a friend, someone they "depend on". I am sorry for what you have had to experience on the Western Front, you by no means deserve it and I hope you did not interpret my words in that way. But I do not appreciate being lied to. I do not appreciate being led on and most of all I do not appreciate being deceived by someone whom I trusted. And as much as you may try to twist my words you cannot deny that.

How dare you twist my words in a way to make it sound like I equate your actions with the government's. I have been nothing but supportive of you throughout this whole war. I have been the one constant and this is how you repay me by manipulating my words and making me out to be the person in the wrong here. You lied to me, you created the problem but are far too proud to just say a simple sorry, no instead you have to try and put the blame back on me. And you definitely tried you hardest, I have not heard or read words so eloquent since your days at the café so I must say, those electric shocks definitely did not affect you intellect.

Why did you not tell me about Marius? Why did you not tell me that he was safe in London, instead you keep that information from me. You hide it from me and leave me back in Paris asking if he is okay, making sure his name is not one of those on the death lists and now you accuse him as a coward. None of the men who go to war are cowards. They are all brave and they are all fighting to save our country. How dare you call him a coward, he signed up to defend France and he did his best. I understand if you are angry but do not be immature and blame him for this lengthy war.

And you know that I very well could have written to Marius if I wanted to but no, instead I chose to write to you. I believed you to be the most reliable, the most realistic source of information about this war. If I wanted someone to lie to me in an attempt to 'protect ' me I would have written to Marius because I would expect him to do that but instead I was writing to you because I knew you would tell me the truth and when you wrote to me I believed you unquestioningly. Well wasn't I an idiot for doing that, I should have listened to you when you told me to question everything.

As for Bahorel and Bossuet, their deaths are tragic and they did not deserve to die. No one deserves to die in this war. I will pray for them and for their families who must be devastated by their loss.

You have no right to interfere in how I treat Azelma and the last thing you need is her discovering your money as she will just waste it away. I am her sister, I am her caregiver, I decide what is best for her. She will not waste your money on art school and it is infuriating that you believe that you can overrule my authority by using your money to pay for her art school. Only the most talented artists actually succeed in being able to sustain themselves from their work and if she can get into that school on a scholarship than obviously she is one of the talented few. However if she does not, perhaps her painting will have to remain a hobby as she seeks out a more stable future. There are so many opportunities for women now that all of the men are away of the front. She can easily find a much more stable career. Do not demonise me, do not tell me how to run my family, you have no right to do so. You are yet to spend a single day with them, perhaps when you do then your opinion will matter in my decision making.

As for Courfeyrac, I am unsure why but he has stopped talking to the nurses. He just sits in silence and stares into space. Whilst physically he lies in his bed in the hospital his soul is elsewhere and we are unsure of what to do, we just pray that he does not lose his mind. I am thinking of going to the hospital daily and spending a few hours reading to him. Please let me know if you have any knowledge of his favourite novels.

Before I leave I wish you a Happy Birthday. I wish it was not in such circumstances however they are beyond my control. I pray that your birthday is pleasant perhaps even enjoyable but most of all safe. You are another year older but have gained the wisdom of an old man. I pray that next year you will be home for your birthday and that you will be able to share the day with your loved ones. I pray that next year you will celebrate your next birthday in Paris. I pray that it will be much better than this year's.

I am angry with you but I wish you to cease thinking suicidal thoughts as your death will achieve nothing. Continuing to fight is the only way you could possibly win this war, so please try to remain positive. It must be difficult; I know that but please try your best.

_Eponine._

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**AN: I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope it shows, thank you for reading, following, favourting and commenting.**

**A special thank you to…**

**J91, thank you for such a lovely comment and consistently correcting my mistakes, I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed the continued action and Eponine and Enjolras' fight.**

**To , thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate it, there is actually a ****subject at my uni about writing historical fiction which I have started secretly attending, in my opinion historical fiction is the best kind of fiction. Thank you for your lovely comment and I hope you enjoy this update.**

**To yellow111 thank you for your kind comment, I hope you enjoyed Enjolras's response, I for one really enjoyed writing it, again thank you for commenting.**

**To annevalerie thanks for such a kind comment, I am using a WW1 timeline to base the story but I have taken creative licence and manipulated the facts a little bit for the purposes of the story, I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**To TcEm thank you for you comment, I really love it when people tell me that they can see the emotion in my writing as it is always something I have struggled to convey. Thank you for such a lovely comment and I hope you enjoy this latest chapter.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read/followed/favourited/commented. Please remember that comments and constructive criticism is always appreciated.**


	15. Chapter 15

_20__th__ November 1915_

_Eponine,_

If you are so angry with me Eponine than why are you still writing to me? Give up; I relinquish you from your duties. You should no longer feel obligated to reply to me and I apologise for wasting your time over the past year. I am sure you have had much more important issues to deal with than write to me, I thank you for being kind to me, I thank you for listening to me but now Eponine, you are free. Do not write to me anymore if you do not want to. Do not waste your energy reading or replying to my letters. I no longer expect a response.

I never enjoyed birthdays when I was at home in Paris, I have told you that so I do not know why you would think I would enjoy them whilst I am away at war. I would enjoy leaving this war, I would enjoy a truce but my birthday does not even register in comparison to those events. In fact if you did not point my birthday out to me I would have overlooked it. Birthdays as I have told you are pointless, why celebrate being stuck here in Ypres for another year. I am wasting my life here, why would I celebrate that?

I hope you enjoy writing to Marius now that you know his whereabouts. Now, since you have found out about my lies I am of no use to you, therefore I do not expect you to write to me again. Your only purpose in writing to me was to discover more about the war but now that you know I am lying you have no reason to write and therefore I am expecting no letter in return from you.

The truth is that you have more important things to do know with your time rather than bother reading the same, mundane, depressing and repetitive letters from me. You have your Marius to write to; you have Courfeyrac to care for in addition to Gavroche and Azelma. I can understand why you would no longer want to write to me. Especially now that you know about my lies, I can see why you would want nothing to do with me. Though I will not apologise for lying to you, so if you wish to read that you will be severely disappointed. I stand by what I did. I strove to protect you from this cruel war, to shelter you from what I was experiencing and to keep your hopes up that this war would have a positive conclusion. If I had my time over I would do the exact same thing because whilst you may view my lies as deceitful but I do not. I did what I believe was necessary to protect you and I will stand by that view.

I apologise for trying to provide Azelma with the resources that you cannot. I apologise for encouraging her to pursue her dreams. When you have seen thousands of young men die around you, you begin to realise that nothing should hold one back from doing what they want to achieve. You should not hold your sister back. You may think you are doing the right thing but to be honest, you are reminding me of my close minded and authoritarian father who was so focused on me entering into law, getting a 'secure job' that he refused to listen to me when I would bring him my ideas on politics and on what needed to change in this country. All he did was push me further away from him; I'm sure to this day he still does not know that I am at war. And when his son dies he will not know, he will not be told and perhaps it is for the best as a parent, no matter how estranged they are from their child never wants to hear of their offspring's passing. Rather, he will go through life wondering and imagining what his son is doing. He will create stories in his mind of how his son became successful, settled down with a beautiful bourgeois lady and had four children of his own. He will imagine that his oldest grandson will take his name and he will be completely ignorant to the truth. I warn you Eponine that if you continue on this same path it will happen to you.

You will lose Azelma like my father lost me, you will learn to live without her, you will construct a life for her in your head but you will never truly know her. But please, do not be silly and listen to me, continue to push her away, to deny her because after all, you know best.

I also must enquire about Courfeyrac and if he is recovering at all. I do wish him a quick recovery however I know that that will be practically impossible. He has left this war but now faces a completely different battle against invisible enemies. The thought of returning to civilian life seems completely foreign now and I am sure he will struggle to transition back into civilian life. I hope the transition will be an easy one but I do not believe it will be, after all we have experienced I do not think we will ever be able to truly return to our former lives.

Goodbye Eponine, as previously stated I expect no reply. Perhaps I will speak to you if I return to Paris, if not; I wish you all the best in all your endeavours.

_Enjolras._

* * *

_3__rd__ December 1915_

_Enjolras, _

I do not want to write to Marius, I am still yet to make contact with him but here I am writing to you. Please remember that.

And why am I still writing to you? You ask me a question which I have never asked myself. Which I have never had to think about, never had to answer.

I write to you because I want to write to you, I need to write to you as much as you need to write to me. You may think of yourself as the dependent one in this relationship but for me it is the opposite.

I do not write to you out of obligation, I have never felt that way. I write to you because I like talking to you, because I like writing to you.

When I am not reading your letters I am thinking about you, missing you but for those few minutes when I get back from the hospital, just before I start to prepare dinner and I see your letter on the table I can relax. I tear it open and I read that you are still alive and I am relieved. It is absolute agony waiting for one of your letters to arrive because they are the only indication that you are alive. I check the mail every day and when your letter is even a day later that the usual I am struck down with fear because I want so badly for you to come back to Paris. I need you to come back to Paris and for those few minutes when I read your letters you do. It is like you are beside me for just a few minutes and I am no longer stressed, no longer full of fear because you are alive and you are here with me. I depend on your letters as much as you depend on mine.

And I hate to admit that, it kills me to admit that because I had always promised to myself, to Azelma and Gavroche that we would not need any one to care for us, just each other but the truth is I need you. I need your letters; I need to talk to you. I do not know why I feel this way but the truth is I do. Please do not question my loyalty to you like that. It has been over a year and I am still writing to you and revealing more to you about myself and my family than I have to anyone before, if these letters were a mere obligation I would have never done that and I feel to a certain extent that you know that.

In regards to Azelma, you may compare me to a dictator, you may compare me to your father but unfortunately (and I am not sure if this has occurred to you before) but we are not in the same financial position as you are and we do not have the luxury of throwing money away on something as trivial as art school. It may not be what you or Azelma want to hear but it is the truth. The war has been going for over a year now, it has been lengthy and I am sure the heads of both the allies and the axis powers are growing weary and tired. Therefore this war may end any day now and I need to be prepared for you arrival back in Paris. Because when you arrive back, Azelma, Gavroche and I will be back on the streets if we do not have the money saved to afford our own apartment. Therefore, I refuse to waste our money on Art school. I would have though you to be the type to applaud me for looking ahead and considering my family's future but obviously I was wrong.

About Courfeyrac, he still is yet to start talking but at least he is eating. That is the main thing. When he first arrived he could not hold any food down and then refused to eat at all for a few days. However it seems as if the temptation has gotten the better of him as I saw him eating some of my chicken and mushroom risotto the other day. He is currently healing in the hospital. However, as the hospital continues to fill rapidly, the nurses will move him back to his home but I am worried about him. Not only his physical health but his mental health. If we are to move him back to his home he will just sit there in a vegetative state. He will not be able to do anything. He will not be able to go outside and he will have hardly any company which I feel is what he needs most right now. He is so lifeless that I cannot help but feel that he needs people around him in order for him to heal. Therefore I have a proposition for you. Are you fine with Courfeyrac staying at your home? I wanted to double check with you before I asked him. I intend on cutting down my shifts at the hospitals, staying with Courfeyrac during the day until Azelma arrives home from the hospital. Then she will care for him in the night when I will work at the hospital. I will be able to encourage him to start talking again and help him in his rehabilitation within the home before taking him for walks along the Seine. He is not in a good state right now, but I hope that I can help him get better.

Enjolras, please, I beg of you now to give up this crusade against me, I do not want to fight with you, I do not want my temper to get the better of me. Every time I write a letter to you I fear that it may be the last and I do not want your last words from me to be full of anger and hate. I miss you and I want you to come back to Paris safely, no matter what happens please remember that, please, for me.

_Stay safe._

_Eponine._

* * *

**AN: thank you for reading/following/ favouriting and a special thank you to those who reviewed.**

**I am currently bogged down with assignments (I know I say this every AN but I will try to update again this time next week.)**

**A special thank you to….**

**ClytemnestraOfSparta for your lovely comment, I agree, in general as a couple I think they would be amazing, but I imagine them both having vicious tempers that will eventually destroy them**

**yellow111 thanks for your amazing comment, Enjolras was going to be really angry at first but to be honest, he is exhausted, both mentally and physically and in my opinion doesn't really have the capacity to argue as he used to. I'm not very happy with his letter but I hope you enjoyed it.**

**to , thanks so much for a lovely comment, I always worry so much that this form of writing with plateau and that I won't be able to develop their relationship further, so your comment is very reassuring.**

**Inkling39** **Downton Abbey with Les Mis characters sounds interesting haha, I'm really glad you're enjoying this story and I hope you liked this chapter.**

**J91** **Thank you for again correcting all my errors, as I always say you are helping me become a better writer. What you said about the war changing people really helped inspire me to write Eponine's letter which I quite like. Enjolras' on the other hand I think is hopeless. Once again thank you for a wonderful comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**TcEm thank you for your lovely comment, its so reassuring to see that you readers can see the emotion in the letters as it is something I really put a lot of effort into portraying. Again thank you for a very kind comment and I hope you enjoy this update.**

**Seredhiel05 thank you for such a lovely comment, you're exactly right, he just wants to protect her but she's thrown that back in his face. Oh and in my head Enjolras is a pretty jealous and possessive person but in reality that might be a little OOC, thanks again and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Lady B90 thanks for your kind comment and I'm glad you liked their first fight, hopefully there won't be too many more. I hope you like this update.**

**Isabelle, do not worry, this story is not ending yet, but updates have slowed down so I can keep up with my assignments, I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**I hope I spelt everyone's pen names right!**

**Again thank you for reading, following, favouriting and please remember comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated.**


	16. Chapter 16

_23rd December 1915_

_Dear Eponine_

Combeferre died today and I do not know what to do with myself. He was the one person who I thought would survive; he was strong, not optimistic but not pessimistic either. He was the only one of us who did not cry in his sleep, which did not shake when the shooting stopped and now he is gone and I am lost. I have no one, no one at all and again I have lost the will to live. Every time I sink lower, I am sure that I have hit the bottom but this war has shown me that there is no end in the depths of human despair. I do not even feel pain anymore; the idea of feeling anything is completely foreign to me.

I thought he was okay, he did not seem to show any signs of struggling in this war but I must have been wrong as while I was out helping bring food back to the trenches he threw himself into no man's land where he was shot to death in mere seconds. His body is still out there but I do not want to look over the trenches, I do not want to see it. He waited purposefully for me to leave, he suggested I should go help the soldiers bring down the food and I do not know why I listened to him. My hands still shake from my torture and I can still barely grip anything but Combeferre has assumed the role of the guide on the front and I honoured my guide's words. I listened to him. I wish I hadn't.

I cannot help but feel that if I was there I would have been able to reach out to him. Pull him back from the trenches and down to safety but I know that is why he sent me away. To him, this, the trenches is not safety. He would rather brave no man's land in the hope that the afterlife is better than here. I am almost positive it is.

I have known Combeferre all my life, from about age five or six to be exact, we had attended school together and we were attending university together even though we were studying in differing faculties. It feels almost fitting that we were fighting together and I was sure that we would probably die together but now even that has been robbed of me.

He escaped but I am still here. I am not sure what is keeping me alive, keeping me from jumping, perhaps it is you.

I was sure it was Combeferre, he would encourage me to tell you about my past, to tease you about Antigone and most recently he had been telling me to forgive you. That I was being far too cruel and holding an unnecessary grudge in a time when our lives could be cut short. He would repeat your words to me; "Do you want to die angry with her? Do you want to leave her thinking you hate her?" And I would ignore him because I was sure I was right and that you were in the wrong. I would stubbornly wait for your apology. I would not apologise first and I won but this is not what victory tastes like.

When I left to help bring in the food I told Combeferre I would be back soon and he replied nonchalantly with a "See you then" and now as I sit here writing to you I am analysing his words, trying to see if it was layered with another meaning.

See you then.

Does he mean in the afterlife? When I am dead too? Or was he acting spontaneously when he jumped the trenches.

Of course not, Combeferre is not spontaneous; he is wise, slow and deliberate in his actions. He was.

This was planned but I cannot help but think that if he was so die without me that he would leave some parting words of inspiration or encouragement. I do not even know anymore. All I know is I am so so confused. I do not know what is happening anymore. Everything seems as if it is beyond my control and I hate it.

I just always thought Combeferre would make it out of here alive. I thought he would be the one to tell you about my death, he would be the one to visit you, to taste your incredible food, to see Paris again. He was meant to survive this war. Not me. Though I haven't survived yet, I really should not get ahead of myself.

I beg of you to please not tell Courfeyrac of Combeferre's death. I know you do not indulge in lies but please I beg of you to listen to me just this once. Courfeyrac will not recover is he discovers the death of one of his best friends. I promise you that. Please, once he starts to heal, once you can see him making improvements, then you may tell him but the information might destroy him if he is to discover it now. Ultimately I know I cannot control you Eponine but please, if you have Courfeyrac's best interests at heart you will listen to me. Try not to think about it as lying; perhaps temporarily with holding the truth is better?

I noticed in your previous letter how you said that once I return to Paris you and your family will be out on the streets. Eponine, you never have to fear living on the streets or living in poverty again. I promise this to you and I do not say it to change your opinion of Azelma's art school, I tell it to you because it is the truth. You will live in my home, if I return from the war you are more than welcome to live with me, if I do not return from the war, I want you to have my home. I promise that you will never be homeless again. My home is now yours.

I wish you a merry Christmas Eponine, I hope it was as incredible as the last. Please, disregard what I wrote last time, please write again.

Merry Christmas and I hope you have a good start to 1916.

_Enjolras._

* * *

_10th January 1916_

_Enjolras,_

I am so so sorry about what happened to Combeferre. I never knew him very well but he seemed kind, quiet, confident but approachable and you are right, he did not deserve to die, no one deserves to die in this war and it destroys me to hear of so many people perishing in what has become such a useless, protracted war.

I do not know what it is like to fight on the front line so I cannot reveal any information as to why Combeferre might have killed himself. But I have seen men losing their minds, they scream and shout at night, they thrash in their beds and tear the sheets and clothes from their bodies as if they are being attacked and strangled. That is the biggest change between the night shifts and the day shifts.

During the day the men just sit and stare into space, completely lifeless. Some of them talk and are quite jovial. But once night falls the mood of the ward changes, it bustles less but for some reason it feels noise, it feels busier. Even in silence there is an uneasy tension in the air, it is suspenseful and terrified. Sometimes I will walk past a bed and men press themselves and far down to the bed as possible, trying to make themselves invisible. Their eyes a wide and they stare at me as if I am an enemy soldier. In their minds and in the dark I probably am.

It makes me worry for the future of our nation, or our world, what will happen in the future when we are losing some of our greatest minds to this war? I worry about who will rise to lead us out of this war and into the future. I'm worried that there will be no one left to guide us out of this war.

Do not worry Enjolras, I have not told Courfeyrac of Combeferre's death, I know he will not take it well. I remember back before this war started, when I would go to the café and the three of you would pour over papers and books for hours on end. It was always the three of you there together. I understand that the news will destroy Courfeyrac but I cannot help but wonder when will be the appropriate time to inform him of Combeferre's death. Regardless of when he discovers the news it will be painful, it will hurt him and we may wait two months or six months but regardless the news is still soul crushing. I know you do not want me to tell him and I respect your wishes but sooner or later he will find out and I fear for his health when he does.

We will be taking Courfeyrac home in a couple of days after they finish observing how the bone has been reset and ensure that there are no infections in any of his open wounds. For Christmas we spent it by his bedside, we brought him gifts and exchanged them and at times it looked like he was going to cry, I am not sure if it was out of happiness or due to him missing his friends but to be honest I believe it was the latter. Gavroche and Azelma went to the market and bought him a beautiful book of poetry with illustrations next to it and I am worried that it will remind him too much of Courfeyrac. If I do recall correctly they too were quite close. In fact, Courfeyrac got along well with all of your friends. He must have had one of those incredibly charismatic personalities that people like I could only dream of. I cannot be sure though, because all remnants of that personality have disappeared. The man is still silent except for brief "yes" and "nos" to answer the nurse's questions. I hope getting him out of that hospital will breathe some life into him, though I have no idea how we are going to negotiate the stairs up to your apartment.

Christmas was ultimately quiet and uneventful, we are all to tried, to exhausted by this war to consider celebrating anything. And the truth is that it would seem wrong to celebrate now when so many people around us are dying. It seems so wrong.

We went to mass and prayed for all the soldiers, the injured, the dead and those who are still fighting. I beg of you Enjolras to keep fighting, please. I am sure it's difficult for you to keep going and I am sure it is impossible for you to have any sense of optimism. I do not expect that from you, I expect nothing from you but I hope you will keep fighting. I want you to keep fighting and come back to Paris.

I remember writing to you last Christmas and how I hoped that you would be back with us for the next Christmas. And here I am again. Sometimes it feels like not much has changed at all in the past year. I am still working as a nurse, you are still fighting, this war is still going. But again I say to you that I look forward to your return, I hope you will be home for next Christmas. I hope you will all be home, all the men who are fighting. I hope this war will be over and that we can start the recovery process, as individual people, as a nation and as a world.

Stay safe Enjolras, stay alive and please write again soon. I am so sorry in regards to Combeferre's death, but I know that nothing I say will ease the pain. Not even in the slightest.

_Eponine._

* * *

**Thank you for reading, for the next month updates will not be as regular as they once were. I am coming to the end of the semester and have my final assignments and exams to study for but I will try my best to update as regularly as possible.**

**J91, thank you for your comment, I am pushing the boundaries of probablility with this story (the truth is that they would all be dead by know if it was actually wwII) but I am glad that you enjoyed it. I feel so sorry for Enjolras.**

**Thank you RhondaAnn1 for your lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**yellow111 thanks for such a kind comment I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoy this next update.**

**TcEm haha yes I love jealous Enjolras, thanks for commenting and I hope you enjoy this update.**

**Eponine thank you for such a lovely compliment, this update wasn't as prompt as I was hoping it would be but I hope you like it.**

**ClytemnestraOfSparta thank you for commenting, I really enjoyed writing Eponine's letter more last time, Enjolras' are just so depressing. I hope you enjoyed this update.**

** , thanks for commenting, I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed this update even though it is incredibly depressing.**

**Isabelle thank you for your comment, that little paragraph was the inspiration for Eponine's whole letter and I really enjoyed writing it, I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, favourite or followed. A special thank you for those who take the time to comment, I really appreciate it.**


	17. Chapter 17

_23rd January 1916_

_Dear Eponine,_

I feel alone, so alone. I have not felt like this since the war began. It is an unusual feeling this emptiness and I almost cannot describe it. For the first time in my life I feel truly alone, but at least I have you, you write to me. You cannot understand what I am experiencing and you cannot feel what I feel but you can listen to me and that is better than nothing.

Please do not feel that I do not appreciate your letters because I do, but the truth is that they are just words, nothing more, nothing concrete, set or tangible, just words. They hang in the air, they are uncertain and often they are untrue. We are often informed that our leaders are entering into peace talks with the enemy. But that is it, that is all they are, talks. Nothing ever eventuates from them. For all their talking, all their words it is coming up to two years and we are still here fighting. Words. Perhaps they are completely useless.

Our superiors often tell us, especially when morale is low that we are 'good fighters' but what does that mean? That I am good at killing the enemy? Well that is not something to be proud of. I have taken men from their families and watched them take their final steps, final breaths. I am a murderer. If that makes me a good fighter than I do not want to fight, in fact, I do not want to live in a world where murdering another man equates to something good.

Perhaps the term they are looking for is 'good survivor'. It has been two years and I am still here. I am still surviving, even if it is just barely. I hardly speak anymore with Combeferre gone, there is no one left to talk to. There is such a high turnover of men on the front that there really is no point in getting to know anyone. I watch new men arrive here and know that they will be dead in a few days.

I have watched hundreds of men arrive on the front. They stand tall and proud. They smirk at me, a shaking, crippled version of what I once was and talk between them of how useless I am to the campaign. This battalion has lost the fraternity which once made it so strong and now, without Combeferre, Courfeyrac or Marius I am alone. I am lost for perhaps the first time in my life.

I had never thought about this until recently but I have spent my whole life with those men. I have known Combeferre since birth. Our families were friends back at home and we had been inseparable ever since I could remember. I don't know how to continue on now. It's as if these people who you spend so much time with become part of you and now that they're gone it's as if you do not know how to live without them.

I remember how Combeferre and I were Captain and Vice Captain in High School. We would organise charity drives and encourage families to donate what they did not need to the poor, it was invigorating and a time I will always hold close to me. When we both started attending university we decided that I would be President and he would be Vice President of France. We knew it was a joke, a dream but back then it also felt like a possibility. Writers, intellectuals and politicians were becoming the nation's leaders rather than military leaders and war mongers. When we would give our speeches it felt as if the people were listening, truly listening and it felt like we could make a difference, bring about some change. It felt like we were on a path to become the nation's next generation of leader, sometimes it really did feel as if we would run the country one day. But I guess the world, the universe had other plans for us.

However this reminds me of what you said about the ladies at the café. It has been months since you last spoke of them and I cannot encourage you enough to become more active within their group. Do you remember how you planned to write me your speeches, how you planned to read more of the philosophes, how you were to incorporate the Social Contract into your speeches? You never got to tell me how those speeches went, if they were successful or even if they went ahead. You are in a unique position right now Eponine, you have the power to stand up for what you believe in, stand up against your government. With the absence of men in Paris, it has given women the opportunity to become more active as citizens within our society and the most active way a citizen can participate in our society is through politics. Right now there must be a void within Paris, a lack of political activism which needs to be filled. You have the potential to fill that void, there is a unique opportunity before you Eponine, and I encourage you to take it.

Finally, I must ask, how is Courfeyrac coming along? I do not know how to make him speak to you, nor do I know why he is refusing to speak. This war, as you and I both know makes a man do strange things. However, I remember how he used to love _boudin blanc, _so perhaps you can put your cooking skills to the test, maybe it will remind him of a time before the war. I hope it will help. In regards to informing him of Combeferre's death, I trust that you will know when he is ready to hear the news.

Again Eponine, please listen to what I am telling you, perhaps you can even get Courfeyrac involved, read your speeches to him and ask for his opinion, maybe it will help with his recovery.

_Please, write soon._

_Enjolras._

* * *

_5th February 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

If I am being completely honest with you I have not had time to go to the café, in fact, I have not had much time for anything at all. This war occupies all my time, if I am not at home tending to Courfeyrac I am at the hospital, I barely have time to sleep let alone read and craft speeches. I really wish I could but I am just so overwhelmed with work and Courfeyrac right now, I just do not have the time.

I have a confession to make to you Enjolras, I believe I have underestimated the severity and harshness of this war when I have written to you in the past and for this I am sorry and ask for your forgiveness. I cannot even begin to imaging what you are enduring and it's not that I am experiencing what you are, in fact I cannot really explain it and I do not even know where to begin.

Courfeyrac moved in just over a week ago and things have been difficult, very difficult and I believe I underestimated how difficult it would be to help someone recover from such a traumatic war. I am worried I will not be able to help him. I am overwhelmed and do not even know where to begin. And I feel guilty. I thought I could fix him, I did not think it would be easy but I never expected it to be this hard. It has been hard on him, on me and on the rest of the family and sometimes I cannot help but wonder if it would have been better if I had left him in hospital.

I think I will have to stop working to care for Courfeyrac full time as Azelma is struggling to handle Courfeyrac, especially at night. She tells me that when he goes to bed that she can hear him shouting, as if he is still fighting. He screams and cries so loudly that no one can sleep and I know that sounds insensitive but the problem is that no one knows what to do with him when he is like that.

The first night, Azelma tried to comfort her and he ferociously hit her away as if she was an enemy, leaving her covered in bruises. Since then she has refused to be in the same room alone with him. And I feel sorry for both of them. I can understand why she does not want to be around him alone, she is absolutely terrified but she needs to realise that that is not the real him. I remember Courfeyrac and how kind he was to everyone; I know that this is not him. When she went in his room to comfort him he saw her as an enemy, he believed she was there to kill him and defended himself. He does not know what he is doing. I do not know what I'm doing and I feel as if in trying to help him I am just hindering his recovery.

I know this is not what you want to hear. You want to hear that he is making a quick recovery and is easily assimilating into civilian life but he is not. And I cannot even tell you that he is improving because that is not true. He nods and shakes his head and every now and again I hear a quiet "yes" or 'no'. He just lies in bed and stares into space. I wonder what he is thinking about, how he can spend so long couped up in that dark, stuffy room. Sometimes I go in there and sit with him. I pull the chair close to his bed and sit beside him.

I wait for him to talk and stare out the window, watching Paris try to function as best it can with most of its active population away at war. Courfeyrac refuses to make eye contact and refuses to speak to me. So I tell him about you and about your letters, and I lie to him. The way that you used to lie to me, I am no different, I am doing the exact same thing to Courfeyrac, because I would rather lie, I would rather hide the truth than hurt him. And I begin to understand why you lied to me, I do not think that it is the right thing to do but that does not stop me. I tell him that you and Combeferre miss him and cannot wait to catch up over drinks when this war is over. I cannot tell if he believes me or not as he does not reply and then, after spending hours in silence I leave to prepare dinner and go to work. I hate this feeling, being stagnant, helpless and hopeless. I worry that he will never recover.

And it hurts because he should not have to go through this, no one should have to go through this. I remember how full of life he was, how boisterous he was and I feel as if I am sitting next to a completely different person. And then I cannot help but wonder that if when you return from the war that you will be a different person, that you will not talk to me and I will not know who you are anymore and that scares me because then I realise that whilst I might not physically lose you, you may come back from this war emotionally and mentally destroyed and I do not know how I could handle that. I feel like I know you so well and I cannot wait to have you with me here in Paris. But I want all of you with me in Paris, not the fragments of who you once were, a shadow of the man I thought I knew and that is what terrifies me.

I am sorry for the sadness in this letter, hopefully next time I will have some good news. I hope you will have some good news too.

_Eponine._

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**AN: I should have had this up ages ago, I am sorry for taking so long and I am sorry that this chapter isn't very good.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, followed or favourited, I really appreciate it.**

**Lady B90, thank you so much for a lovely comment and so much for wishing me luck on my finals, all this studying is making me so tired! Thanks, I felt as if I had to confirm it in some way or another and I hope it didn't sound awkward when I wrote it as I really struggle to imagine Enjolras saying something like that. Thanks for your comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**To Eponine , I know I love Combeferre too! He is one of my favourite characters but as you implied I felt like something really big had to happen to make Enjolras sit back and stop fighting with Eponine. Thanks for commenting and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**RhondaAnn1, that is exactly right, Combeferre is Enjolras' guide and protector and that's why he is so incredibly lost now. Thank you for commenting and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**TcEm, thanks so much for such a lovely comment, I hate writing such depressing stories but the cannon is pretty depressing so there isn't much to work with. I hope you enjoy this chapter**

**J91 *runs to go fix spelling error* haha that's what is so sad, the expected the war to be over so soon that when it dragged out for 2 years they had lost hope I personally think that by the time the war was over, people had no idea how to live without the threat of war hanging over them. Thanks again for such a lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**To FurtherIllumination, thank you for such a lovely compliment, unfortunately I took forever to finish this update but I hope you enjoyed it.W**

**okay, so I have been replying to your comments in my ANs but for some reason it cuts you penname off and I don't know why but I am trying to fix it. I am genuinely really sorry if you thought I was ignoring your comments because I haven't and I really really appreciate them, I hope you enjoy this update too. Th**

**KBRCKCBlack thanks for your lovely comment, these finals are killing me! But really thank you for such a lovely comment. I find that the letter structure of this story can be quite polarising so it's nice to see that you appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this update.**

**Isabelle, that is exactly right, Combeferre is the last person you would expect to do something like that and it just shows what war does to people. Thank you for a lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**


	18. Chapter 18

_March 2nd 1916_

_Dear Eponine,_

I apologise for not writing sooner however, we have had little time to sleep recently let alone write. I hope you were not too worried, we have been moving mostly, to a new destination and therefore have been quite safe however, we walked into an absolute minefield.

I am sure you have heard of it by now, even if the Government had tried to hide it from the people. The Battle of Verdun began just over a week ago now and is still continuing. It was expected to be a quick three day battle but when it became evident that events were not going according to plan we were called in to provide back up. The Germans plan to take Verdun and I wish I could be positive or provide you with some good news but the truth is that there are rumoured to be over one million Germans, and currently there are little over 200 000 Frenchmen currently in Verdun, and the Germans have already made over 4 miles in progress.

During a lull in the fighting I was able ask one of the men stationed there about his experience of this war. The Battle of Verdun commenced with a bombing barrage which lasted for almost a whole day. They can barely hear their general's orders and I cannot help but worry that some of them may be suffering permanent hearing damage.

I do not quite know what to say Eponine, actually, I know what to say I just feel guilty actually writing it down, I feel guilty thinking it too but today I do not feel happy but for the first time in what seems like forever I feel at peace.

It has been almost nice being surrounded by new men, by men who have been in this war for years and have truly experienced it. We can discuss this war, and how it has affected us and it is soothing, almost therapeutic to discuss my struggle with those who understand and those who can relate. It is nice to be reminded that you are not the only one who is suffering, who is losing their loved ones, perhaps not nice, rather, comforting is a better word and reassuring. Speaking to them encourages me and it gives me hope that I may make it through this war, that I can make I through this war.

The battle has been going on for well over a week now, it is a slow and tiring process with many men being taken away wounded or dead and it really is a terrible loss of life. I have asked around our new camp to see if anyone had heard from the rest of our group but they just seemed to shake their heads and shrug their shoulders.

I have begun seeing the traits of my old companions in the new people I have been meeting. There is one man, Pierre who speaking in the most beautiful language that he makes this war sound like a beautiful, but soul destroying Grecian tragedy. And the more men you meet out here, the more you realise that drunkards like Grantaire are the norm amongst my gender rather than those like myself who cling to their sobriety as if it is some noble endeavour. So I indulge now, I will not hesitate to admit that I drink; I drink a fair amount of alcohol. I am no Grantaire but it helps me get through most days and it helps me sleep through the nights. All I have to do is survive the days and the nights until I can finally escape this war. I do not need to be a hero, I just need to survive.

In regards to Courfeyrac, I must agree and state that I believe you have taken on far too much but I do understand why you feel that you cannot take him back to the hospital and therefore I encourage you to persist. I know it must be hard but just keep working with him, keep doing what you are already doing and perhaps one day you will see the old Courfeyrac return. It may be for a day or for just a fleeting moment but I promise you that when you see him – the old him – even if it is just for a second it will be worth it.

If you must give up your job at the hospital then so be it. Whilst Azelma does work at the hospital, perhaps she is not old enough or mature enough to handle Courfeyrac when he is at his worst and therefore I do think that it is best if you tend to him full time. Though that being said, my only knowledge of Azelma is through the letters you write to me and therefore you are in a must better position to judge what would be best for you and your family. I told you in one of my previous letters where you may find more money and therefore do not hesitate to quit your job to care for Courfeyrac, I have sufficient funds available to ensure you and your family will not go hungry for a very long time.

In regards to what you said about me changing and becoming like Courfeyrac, I spent quite a lot of time thinking about how to best reply and comfort you worried but the truth is, you never knew the old me. Apart for seeing glimpses of me during speeches and when you would go to the café with Marius and apart from those few exchanges which led me to lend you my apartment I had never really spoken to you nor you to me. Therefore you only know the new me, the me who has been damaged by war. When I return home, you will not be shocked, not the way you have been over Courfeyrac because you have been with me as I have changed, you have witnessed it, been a part of it. Physically I look completely different but you will meet the person you have been writing to, not the old me, but who I am now.

Good luck in your endeavours with Courfeyrac and please write again soon, perhaps if things get easier with Courfeyrac you will be able to go to the café again? I know I wrote this last time but I really encourage you to get involved in French politics, someone needs to speak for us soldiers on the front and I believe you can.

_Enjolras_

* * *

_March 13th 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I must say that I was getting quite worried after the extended absence between letters and whilst it is reassuring to finally hear from you, what is not reassuring is to discover that you are currently stationed in Verdun.

Yes, confirming what you thought us civilians in Paris have heard of Verdun, it is practically impossible for our government to hide it from us due to the sheer number of wounded that are being transferred back to Paris daily. There are so many men coming through the hospital that it is overwhelming for everyone working there and I cannot even being to imagine how terrible it must be for all of you who are witnessing the carnage.

So you have begun to drink? I know you said that you are no Grantaire but I cannot help but worry for you, yes, it may help you relax and it may help you sleep but drinking solves absolutely nothing, in fact from my experience it just makes everything worse. I understand that you are suffering through this war but I must remind you Enjolras that it is better for you to confront these issues rather than drown them in alcohol. I am not saying that you cannot drink alcohol at all (and it is not as if you would listen to me if I did say that,) I just encourage you to remember how angry you would get at Grantaire when he would drink himself unconscious, you do not want to become like him.

I hope you are not offended by my comments as ultimately I just want you to come home safely, I just feel as if being drunk whilst you are meant to be fighting is quite dangerous.

Though I must say it was nice reading a slightly happier letter from you, perhaps the change of scenery has done you good and it is comforting to hear that you are feeling better. Because the truth is, when I know that you are doing well on the front, it makes things a little easier here at home. I know when you write that it is just how you are feeling in that moment but the knowledge that you are not suffering as much as you previously had makes me feel better and it makes me feel hopeful for your return.

When I go to talk to Courfeyrac later today, I will not be completely lying; I will be able to tell him that things are going well for you Enjolras, even if the Battle is not completely successful. And to think that it is still going even now, for almost a month is absurd. Before this terrible war, wars were won and lost within a month but now it just seems like it will never end. It seems as if the people are almost comfortable now living under the constant threat of invasion and that saddens me because we should not be comfortable with this. We should not be comfortable with the fact that men like you have been risking your lives every day for almost two years. When I think about it I just get so angry because our leaders should not have allowed this war to continue on for two years. I know that it was unavoidable but sometimes I think this war should not have begun in the first place and I am sure that if they had the opportunity again, they would have never entered into this war. It has been far too long, and far too draining on everyone and everything

I feel like I have been waiting for you to come home almost my whole life. Everything feels like a blur before this war started. I feel like I have been waiting an eternity to meet you, to truly meet you and know you and I am getting impatient. And writing that down makes me feel so selfish, so self absorbed and I know I should be praying for the safety of our nation and worrying about issues like that but I just really want you to come home. I do not even know why I am writing this because I know that if you had the choice you would be home. You would not be stuck fighting this war but alas this is the life we live. It is a cruel one but as you said, we just need to survive it.

I am yet to make any progress with Courfeyrac and I am beginning to feel as if I am wasting his and my time when I sit in his room for hours on end. I have considered bringing some of your books in with me to read while I pass the time but I am worried that he will find them upsetting as they might remind him of you and the rest of the Amis. To be honest, I am at a real loss as to what I should do but I am sure I will think of something. I think before I quit the hospital I will ask some of the nurses how they would go about helping Courfeyrac but I believe that me leaving the job is inevitable. Once again I must thank you for your kindness and generosity but hopefully if I quit, Azelma will take up some extra shifts. I do not want to live off your money, I feel as if I would be taking advantage of you if I did, but I do thank you for the offer.

_Stay safe Enjolras,_

_Eponine._

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**Thank you for reading, following or favouriting and a special thank you for those who take the time to comment, I really really appreciate it and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Also I posted a one shot the other day called On Politics so if you liked this feel free to go read one of my other stories (****shameless self-promotion)**

**To J91, ahh I always try to avoid that, damn! Haha thanks for your comment, I really appreciate your feedback and I agree, the world wars in particular completely changed societies across the world and your right, the end of the world does not necessarily bring about 'peace'. Thanks for your kind comment and hope you enjoyed this update.**

**RhondaAnn1 in regards to Courfeyrac's family, I don't think they know that he is back in Paris, but you have just given me a good idea for a future chapter so thank you for kind your comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Santos J. Black thanks for your lovely comment, I really appreciate it, I hope this update didn't take too long and I hope you really enjoy it : ) **

**KBRCKCBlack thanks for your lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I always worry that I can't capture emotion so for you to write that really means a lot to me. I still have another month of exams but thank you for wishing me good luck, I really appreciate it.**

**To Isabelle, thanks for you kind comment, I feel like if I say anything it would give away the ending so I'm sorry, you'll just have to wait and see (though I am on winter break soon so I will be able to update more often).**

**MidniteMasquerade, I decided to stop italicising the letters as I was editing some of the errors people had pointed out and just found it all really difficult and annoying to read to I stopped, I guess I just decided I didn't like it anymore haha. Thanks for your comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

** , thank you for your lovely comment and understanding the technical issues I seem to be having with . I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**BellaCam, wow thank you so much for such a lovely comment, I always worry that people will find their political talk a little boring but let's be real here, it's Enjolras, he's going to talk politics haha but again, thank you for such a nice comment and lovely compliment, I really appreciate it and hope you enjoy this update.**

**To Rosy-Fingered-Dawn, thank you for your comments, I really appreciate them. I originally started this story with the intention of seeing whether I could create a romance through just letters and it's actually quite difficult but I hope you found this chapter a little happier. Thank you for wishing me luck with my exams, 1 down 3 to go!**


	19. Chapter 19

_27th March 1916_

_Dear Eponine_

I will continue to drink however much I like, whenever I like and to be brutally honest, you have absolutely no authority to instruct me otherwise, you are not an officer, a general or a commander and when I see those men, the men who do have authority, drink until they pass out, it gives me the authority to do the same. You will never understand what it is like for us here. When I drink I become numb and that's all I want to be, numb, I do not want to feel, I do not want to think, I will pull the trigger and hope for the best. I do not want to care. Everyday hundreds if not thousands of men are dying in this battle and for what? I honestly cannot say. We have stopped the German advancement but are now stuck in another stalemate as we have been for most of this war. Wherever we go, we fight, but we do not advance, we do not make progress, we do not win.

And we will not win, we will not win this war of attrition so please, do not criticise me for the choices I make in this time. I will not listen to you just as you do not listen to me. How many times have I told you to go to the meetings? To make a difference but you never do. You are in a privileged position right now; you have access to people who have fought, you have access to books, essays and manuscripts which profess and explain the merits of peace over war, you have the time and most importantly, you have an audience who is willing to listen and hopefully, willing to act. Yet you just sit at home writing letters criticising me. I am tired, I am tired of the fact that I am expected to listen to everything you tell me to do but you completely disregard what I am saying.

I think that you should quit your job, dedicate your time to writing and reading, something productive that may actually influence the future but do not quit your job and become idle. Spending your time wondering around Paris with very little to do. We are in the middle of a war and you must do something to bring it to a close, it is your duty as a French citizen to want your nation's soldiers home so do something about it. I do not know how much clearer I have to say it. Stop procrastinating and stop avoiding going to the café; you have to do something, anything to get us home, to get me back home. I know that it is selfish but I just want to see you actively trying to get us soldiers home. I do not want to see you give up and in stopping reading and not going to the café it is as if you have given up, as if you have become used to this war and the fact that it may never end, that I'll never come home. I do not want you to give up; you cannot give up on me. How can you expect me to get up every morning and fight to get back home, to get back to you if you are not fighting for me, if you are expecting to see my name up on one of those death boards. I need you to be fighting, knowing that you are fighting motivates me to keep fighting and I need all the motivation I can get. Please listen to me when I tell you this.

If people do not stand against this war, fight against this war our nation's leaders will not end this war. Did you ever read of the 100 year war? I do not want to be part of another similarly lengthy war and I am sure you do not want to live through one either. Do you realise that as we continue to lose more and more men the more it pushes the government into enforcing conscription in France? How old is Gavroche? He is getting closer to 16 and do you really think that if he were to apply underage that they would reject him? The military are desperate for men to fight, they will take anyone, they are taking anyone and they will take Gavroche if you do not do something to stop it. In fact, be sure to throw this letter out soon after you have read it, I am sure if he hears that he would be readily accepted in the army, he would sign up before you get the chance to even try to talk him out of it.

You do not want him to go to this war, I can tell you now that he will not survive it, I do not want him going to this war either, but I cannot stop him and you can. You can try to end this war and stop young boys like Gavroche from being sent to their deaths by a selfish, stubborn government.

I hope this will finally make you listen to me.

It is unfortunate to hear that you are yet to make any progress with Courfeyrac but I know you will persevere and he does appreciate what you are doing to him, even if he is yet to vocalise it. I pray that he will recover, he is such an incredible person and if he were ever to return to his old self I can assure you, we will spread so much warmth throughout your family and home. It is an incredible trait he possesses; I hope that it will one day return to him.

I can assure you that you are not the only person who feels as if this war has lasted a lifetime, and I too want to be back home with you. I promise you I am doing everything possible to survive and whilst I cannot promise to return to France alive, I promise I am doing everything to try and return to Paris alive. I do not want to die, not without knowing you. I hope we will get to meet in this life, it is that hope that keeps me going everyday, that keeps me fighting.

_Please write soon._

_Enjolras._

* * *

_7th April 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

Please, do not bait me into getting angry with you, to fight with you because I will not, I will not give in to what you want, not when you try to anger and antagonise me. You realise I warn you against alcohol because I care about you. I grew up in an inn, I know what alcohol does to people and I do not want to see it destroy you like it has many men before you.

I am not sure if you have noticed this yet but your mood, or the mood you portray often reflects how the battles are going on the front. For example, you wrote your letter on the 27th of March correct? In the days preceding there had been a number of unsuccessful attacks by the French on the Germans, which had resulted in a large number of French deaths, therefore you were not happy, therefore I received an angry letter. Whilst I do not particularly enjoy being on the receiving end of your tirades, I would rather them be directed to me than any of you companions as the last thing you need right now is them turning against you. I do not really know what I am trying to say, I guess I understand now that you are not angry at me, rather you are angry at the situation and the only person you can truly express that to is me and I accept that. Remember, I am here for you, when you are at your best and when you are at your absolute worst. As long as you want me here, I will be here for you, waiting for your letters, eagerly replying and waiting for your return.

Also, I do not appreciate you bringing Gavroche into your arguments either. I have not spoken to him about the war in quite a long time, I hope that seeing what has happened to Courfeyrac and the other men at the hospital has been an effective deterrent but I cannot be sure. We do not talk as much as we used to, none of us do. It is as if this war is tearing the family apart. We are all stressed, all worrying constantly; I never thought it could have such a negative effect on the regular citizens. Whilst in my last letter I stated that the people are used to the war that does not mean that there are not people sobbing on the streets when they read that a loved one has died. We are in pain, as a people, as a nation we are hurting, we are just becoming used to the pain. And that is sometimes what hurts the most, the fact that feeling pain almost seems normal, and when there is a happy moment, when a smile or a laugh escapes one's lips their face falls, guilty as if they have committed a crime. It is almost a crime it is not? How can we possibly be happy when there are men like you sacrificing themselves for our freedom, it does not seem right.

In regards to going back to the café for those meetings I will, I promise to you that one day I will, it is just that right now I am so focused on nursing Courfeyrac back to good heath that I barely leave his bedside, and I do not think it would be right for me to make the children care for him. They do not know how to handle him when he has his outbursts, when he gets violent. They think he is angry with them and he is not, I know that because afterwards he cries, he cries and just shakes his head as if he just cannot control himself, as if he knows what he is doing and does not mean to react in such a way, but cannot stop himself from doing so. No one deserves to live like this. Sometimes I think that his punishment is worse than death, he is trapped by his memories and they haunt him constantly. He cannot go on like this forever, I hold grave fears for him. I am sure to close the windows and not leave anything sharp around him, but the truth is, I have no idea what to do.

I have quit my job but Azelma is now working full time at the hospital and I am thinking about talking to Gavroche about him getting a job as a paperboy after school or something like that – I obviously have not through at about it properly just yet. It is painful being stuck at home, there is only so much cleaning and cooking I can do, and everyone is so well fed now that they do not eat absolutely everything in sight and many leftovers end up in the bin and I cannot help but feel as if we are all incredibly wasteful.

Even when I try to read, I manage to get distracted, lost in my thoughts, I am constantly watching over Courfeyrac who lies silently in bed, or I am thinking about you, if you are still alive, if you are having a good day or a bad day on the front and I find myself staring at the same page for hours on end without having read a single word. I feel useless when I am not working but I will not leave Courfeyrac alone, I just hope he starts recovering quickly, perhaps then I will return to the café, maybe he will be willing to go with me, then again it may trigger him, all that talk about war and death. I do not know what to do; I am at a complete loss.

_Stay safe,_

_Eponine._

* * *

**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this update, thank you to those who have followed and favourited and a special thank you to those who took the time to comment. I am so sorry for taking so long to update but I have now finished my exams and have more time to write. I hope to have this story finished for you all very soon : )**

**Jdotess**, **thanks for such a lovely compliment, I was worried that that would be a little OOC for Eponine but I am glad you liked it and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Lady B90, thanks so much and thank you for wishing me good luck – I definitely needed it haha, I hope you liked this update.**

**DianaScott**, **no I am actually just doing exams for university but I want a scholarship to do some postgraduate study so I have been studying so hard! I hope your gcses went well : ). Thank you for such a lovely compliment, I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed this updae**

**Frustratedstudent,** **exactly, I felt like I could not have this story on the Western Front and not have him there, poor Enjolras indeed, I am sorry for taking so long to update, I hope you enjoyed it.**

**J91 Have a great trip, it's such a tragic place though so to a certain extent it is hard to enjoy but I guess you can appreciate it for what it is. I actually really enjoyed writing that little part about Enjolras, I don't really know why though, thanks for the comment and I hope you enjoyed the update.**

** , thanks for such a kind comment, unfortunately if I were to tell you it may give away the ending of the story… sorry :(, though I can say that regardless of what happens I want to write this story completely in letter form, it was one of my main objectives when I sat down to write the story**

**KBRCKCBLACK thanks, exams were average as they always are haha, yes I think he is such a complex character that I could not ignore the fact that he would be feeling incredibly conflicted. Thank you for a lovely comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**GirthWithTheNotebook wow thank you so much for an incredible compliment, unfortunately I did not update as soon as I said I would but I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**Rosy-Fingered-Dawn that is perhaps what was so horrible with PTSD back then, the suffers and the doctors had no idea what was happening, I feel so sorry for those who actually had to experience it. Thank you for such a lovely comment and I hope you like this chapter.**

**Isabelle, sorry for not updating as often as I said I would, I really hope to develop the story with Enjolras' new companions a lot further and I hope you will enjoy it, thank you for a great comment**

**Hillindi97 thanks so much for such a kind comment and I hope I was able to answer one of your questions with this update and you're right, even someone like Enjolras would have to do something to escape the pain of being at war for so long. I hope you liked this chapter.**

**Hannah thank you so much for a lovely comment, I really appreciate it and I hope you liked this chapter.**


	20. Chapter 20

_18th April 1916_

_Dear Eponine,_

I would like to begin this exchange by wishing you a very Happy Birthday for last week. I hope you had an absolutely lovely day, that Azelma and Gavroche treated you well and that the three of you were able to take your minds off this war, even if it was just for a few hours. See, I did not forget your birthday this year, your letters helped me to remember it, in fact, your letters are what help me figure out what day, month and year it is every time we receive one, so I thank you for that.

It absolutely infuriates me to hear that Courfeyrac has been greeting your efforts to help him with anger and violence. Mostly because I know Courfeyrac not to be a violent man and it hurts, it really hurts hearing about how this war has changed him.

I have been speaking to some of the other men on the Front and they are not surprised at how he has been acting, in fact a few of them said that they would be surprised if he were to act any other way. Here at war, we a permanently on alert, constantly waiting to be attacked. I can honestly say that when I return home I will not simply be able to just switch off. I will be on alert, looking for signs of danger out on the streets of Paris because now, I cannot remember what life was like before the war, before I was on constant alert. I am like this and the generation of men who will return to this war when and if it ever ends will be the same.

I hope and I pray that I will not be violent towards people but I cannot make any promises, when you are under attack you do not think, in fact all forms of thought processing are immediately forgotten. You fight to survive, that is all you are focused on, survival, you have no control over you actions, and when Courfeyrac has his outbursts at you, Gavroche and Azelma, he cannot control his actions.

I feel like it is wrong for me to be sending you advice in regards to Courfeyrac, I feel as if the man you are describing to me is not the man I once knew, not even when we were at war together. It seems so strange to think that someone as bright and joyous as Courfeyrac acting the way he is now that he is at home. In your last letter you told me that you are worried that he may commit suicide. The Courfeyrac I know loved life so much that he would never even consider committing suicide but I have no idea what to say, or what to expect from this Courfeyrac. I hope he will be fine, he has been lucky enough to survive this war, and he should be making the most of it, though the idea of assimilating back into civilian life when the rest of his friends are fighting at war.

I am truly sorry to heat that you have quit your job as I know how much it meant to you to be helping in the war effort but at least Azelma has been wiling to take up extra shifts. Please, do not hesitate to tell me if you feel as if I am speaking out of place but perhaps it is best to keep Gavroche at school. If you were to encourage him to study, work hard and attempt to get into university perhaps he would not be as interested in going to war? I am just worried that if he speaks with the men, particularly those who are ineligible to got to war he may be persuaded to fight in their place. Personally myself, I would try keep him focused on his education, perhaps encourage him to read some of the writers I have who are adamantly against war as a way to solve the world's problems, perhaps then he will understand.

I actually feel elderly in comparison to some of the men on the front. It is not uncommon to see fifteen or sixteen year olds strolling through the trenches with their guns on their shoulders, acting as if they are years older than they really are. I assume most of the men around my age are dead by now. We were among the first to be sent to the front and now, approaching two years it is highly unlikely that there are many of us still alive. It is times like these when I wonder why, why am I one of the so-called 'lucky' few to remain here in whatever capacity. My hands are beginning to shake less now however I still have very little feeling in them and I cannot help but fear that there may be some permanent nerve damage however I am learning to manage with it the best I can.

I wish that I could say that things have improved at Verdun but they have not. This army is absolutely pathetic and absolutely useless. Actually, that is not true, the army as in the soldiers are quite effective given the circumstances however it is the generals, those who are in power that are useless. We cannot go on like this. I have told you this many times but it just seems so glaringly obvious to me. We do not have the resources to continue waging this war. We do not have the guns, the men, the will power to continue on in this way. I cannot help but wonder why it feels as if everyone can see this but those in power. It frustrates me, it annoys me and it actually prevents me from sleeping at night – as if I did not have enough things disrupting my sleep here.

However I must be off now, the men are telling stories of their lives back at home in a different area of the trenches. There are men from all over France and all over the world and it is incredibly fascinating.

_I truly hope you had a lovely birthday and please, write again soon._

_Enjolras_

* * *

_1st May 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

Oh my I have so much to tell you, there has been so much happening that I just cannot wait to share the news with you. I have so much to say that I can barely verbalise it all, and I have no idea what to start with first so please bear with me. My mind is completely blurred by everything that has happened that I apologise if this comes out as hurried, rushed and makes absolutely no sense, however before I start I must ask you how you have been over the past two weeks. Hopefully you will one day begin to feel again in your hands but I must say that it is good now that you have adapted to this war without the full use of your hand. Though that being said, I do not think you should have to adapt to your injuries, this war should have been over by now but we have discussed and lamented this many times and it seems to make not difference. Anyway, on with my incredible story.

I would first off begin by saying thank you for remembering my birthday. I understand how difficult and busy you must be with all the fighting in Verdun so I thank you for remembering and thank you for taking the time to write me a letter, I really do appreciate it.

It all started on the day of my birthday. It was absolutely lovely; Gavroche and Azelma woke me up. They had brought croissants, strawberries and chocolate sauce and we sat out on your balcony eating the most amazing breakfast and watching the people down below us running up and down the streets. They had also gone out and bought me some of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen.

I must say I am so proud of the two of them. They have grown and matured so much over the past year, this war has changed them, it has taken away their childhoods and has transformed them into little adults. I guess they were always mature, given the way we had grown up, but something has changed in them in the last year. It is as if due to everything that has been given to them they have begun to understand how hard I work as well as appreciate the opportunity you have provided us with. The other day Gavroche came up to me whilst I was cleaning the house and told me to thank you for him. I told him to write you his own letter, as you have probably noticed you have received two letters today. I do not know what Gavroche wrote but I hope you enjoy it.

So after the morning's festivities I quickly walked Gavroche to school and Azelma to work before returning home to make Courfeyrac some lunch. As has become typical of my days with Courfeyrac he lied in bed refusing to talk and barely even looking at me so I cleaned the house, I made dinner and eventually I returned to Courfeyrac's room to do some reading. I was actually reading Tolstoy's Anna Karenina which I must say I really was not enjoying and have no idea how you managed to read the whole novel because it was terrible (and I saw that you had folded the ends of the pages right until the end of the book so do not deny it).

However, I eventually started complaining aloud when Courfeyrac turned to me in a voice which definitely sounded like it has not been used in a very long time spoke in little more that a whisper "maybe you should cook."

Initially I looked towards the door, I thought someone had broken into the home but instead I looked down to see Courfeyrac looking up at me with a smirk that seemed somewhat familiar to me, though I cannot quite remember where, perhaps at the café?

At first I could not help but be offended, had he not heard all the pots banging in the kitchen, had he not smelt or tasted all the home cooked meals I had worked hard to provide him with over these past few months? But then I realised, he is talking, Courfeyrac who had barely even managed a grunt over the past few months was talking, actually speaking, I could not believe it and actually started crying when it happened, it felt like such a breakthrough and it was quite honestly the best gift that I could have ever received. It feels like I am making progress, as if my efforts are not futile and it is truly the best feeling.

Courfeyrac said that the main reason he did not speak or really do anything at all was because he did not have the energy, as if there was something physically restricting him from speaking but he could not see it and could not feel it. I found it all terribly confusing but accepted it none the less; I still could not believe that he was actually talking.

What he actually meant was that I should start a stall at the market and sell my food there. I did not think that people would want my food but he thinks people will buy it and I cannot help but feel as if this could actually be a really good idea. In fact I love the idea of having my own stall, my own business and we spent the rest of the day speaking about it, it was incredible. Though Coufeyrac quietened down when the kids got home, I feel as if he was not quite comfortable with a larger group but still, it is project.

Well I must say Enjolras that it has been an interesting few weeks; I am left excited and hopeful for what the future holds. I have not had this feeling in a very long time, and I must say I have missed it.

_Write soon, keep safe,_

_Eponine._

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**AN: Thank you for reading, following of favouriting, I really appreciate it. Also a special thank you to those who took the time to review, you guys give me the motivation to keep writing. In regards to what I said in the last AN about the story ending soon, my aim is to have it finished in the next two months (that is soon for me) so do not worry this will not end suddenly in two updates, I still have so much in store for this story, I just hope to be updating more often.**

**To frustratedstudent, thank you for commenting, I really appreciate it and I hope you found this chapter a bit more light hearted.**

**J91, I felt as if I was making Eponine seem a little weak if she did not fight back, in my head she was looking at his letter and figuring him out almost like a puzzle, I really enjoyed writing it. Thank you for a lovely comment and I hope you enjoy your trip.**

**KBRCKCBlack thank you for commenting and thank you for wishing me well on my exams. I hope you enjoyed this lighter update.**

**Lady B90 thank you for such a lovely compliment, for commenting and for wishing me well on my exams, I really appreciate it. I felt as if it was too early to have them fighting again and loved exploring Eponine's more thoughtful side.**

**Midnite Masquerade, thank you for such a lovely comment I really appreciate it, I hope you enjoyed this update too.**

**To jdotess, don't worry, it's not over just yet and I am actually really excited to be getting to a part of the story I have been anticipating writing for months, thank you for such a kind comment and I hope you enjoyed this update.**

**SometinERanother, thank you for such an incredible comment and I am glad that you like my story/ collection of letters, I also hope you enjoyed this happier update but I am sorry for making you feel so depressed.**

**Thank you for reading and please remember reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated.**


	21. Chapter 21

_12__th__ May 1916_

_Dearest Eponine,_

I must say, I read your letter several times over until my mind finally began to process what you were saying. This was not due to your writing but rather at the pure disbelief that Courfeyrac could be speaking. He was actually speaking; constructing sentences more than just one word? I must say that this seems like a miracle, I was sure he was sentenced to be a mute for the rest of his life. I just pray that now things will become easier for you and your family at home now. Perhaps he has become comfortable with his new surroundings and is beginning to let his guard down or maybe he is just learning how to live among the civilian populations once again, either way it is quite possibly the best news I could have hoped to receive from you. I am truly ecstatic, for Courfeyrac and for you. I am sure if you had just left him to recover in the hospital he would have never spoken again. It is thanks to you; thanks to you innate ability to nurture and care for people that he has begun his recovery. I am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. I am sure that one day you will make a very kind nurse for many men returning home from this wretched war.

It also greatly pleases me to hear that Gavroche and Azelma celebrated your birthday the way you deserve to have it celebrated. You deserve fresh strawberries and croissants for breakfasts as well as the biggest bouquets of flowers that could be found in all of Paris and I am glad that they too realise it. I am not sure if you quite realise how much you are helping the people around you, from those at home such as Courfeyrac and the men at the hospital to me, and some of the men I share our letters with on the front. I can barely even express in words how much I appreciate and cherish your letter, though I do cling to the hope that one day I will be able to tell you in person how much your presence has made this war more bearable.

Courfeyrac's idea definitely has its merits but I must encourage you to refrain from making any drastic changes until Courfeyrac has truly begun to assimilate into civilian life again. For example, whilst he may say that he misses and wants to go to the market, in reality the market will be loud, with lots on falling crates and people yelling. This may trigger a response from him that may result in one of those violent outbursts or a regression in his state of being, which would be extremely disappointing. Please, I am sure you are a much better doctor than I am and do not hesitate to correct me if I am wrong but perhaps take him around the apartment until he feels comfortable with having the whole family home. Then take him around the building, meeting other residents in the hallways before even considering taking him out onto the streets of Paris. I too wish for his speedy recovery however you must proceed with caution, whilst he may seem like his is recovering he is mentally fragile, he will be for a very long time, to a certain extent we all will be.

However, I do have one concern with your new plans to open up a market stall; it will take a lot of time away from your reading and writing which I believe is imperative if you truly want to contribute to bringing this war to an end. Again, it is entirely your decision and I do believe that it would be great for you to earn your own independent income again as I do remember how much you enjoyed that. However as I have stated on many occasions you have the opportunity to really speak to an increasing number of disgruntled citizens who may be looking to rebel against this government though I must say that ultimately the decision is yours to make.

The battle continues on here and I can barely even remember a day of silence and it almost feels as if this battle has gone for the duration for much of the war but it is slightly better here with more troops. We are able to work in what is called shifts where we are divided into groups that swap duties and certain intervals. It makes the fighting slightly more bearable when you know there are other men to relieve you and possibly even allow you to get a few hours of sleep between bombings. Though I never actually remember sleep. I remember tossing and turning and being woken by the fine dirt, which falls from the roof of our bunker when the bombs hit and I remember when men yell through the halls begging for reinforcements. You never quite know what you're going to face when you climb out of the bunker still rubbing your eyes, which are full of sleep. I guess we have been fortunate thus far; I am yet to be faced with a German gun barrel pointed directly at my face but I do not know what this war holds. In fact, for all I know that could be what I am faced with tomorrow.

This war is both predictable and unpredictable at the same time but I am glad to have you here with me. You offer me some stability, something to look forward to you and I thank you for that. I know these professions often come at the most unexpected times but when I am down in the bunker and we receive our letters there is no better feeling than know that there is one in there from you. I see other men around me who receive nothing and it makes me realise how blessed I am to have met someone like you. Attached you will find one more letter, please ensure that Gavroche reads it.

_Enjolras._

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_30__th__ May 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I must begin this letter by first thanking you for your kind words, it means a lot to hear that you value me, that you care for me, it make writing these letters and wishing you were home seem less fruitless to me, even when I see the names of hundreds of murdered soldiers which are posted on message boards throughout the week.

That is the problem now that I am leaving the house more often. It is difficult to explain but within the small apartment one begins to forget the constant reminders of war such as the fact that this house was once yours and that Courfeyrac is only here because of the war. You begin to accept these this as a part of life and they cease to remind you of external factors such as this war. But out on the streets the reminders are new; there are names of the newly dead being put up on the wall, women sobbing in the streets and posters begging for civilian help on the war front. When I am home it is almost as if I can hide away from this war but out there, on the streets everything seems more real.

I apologise if I am making absolutely no sense as I am finding it incredibly difficult to express how I am currently feeling as today when I was coming back from a walk to the market I witness the most horrible sight.

Do you remember the Brandt family? They lived on the first floor. They were a tall wiry couple who's stern faces were initially terrifying but I had managed to discover that they were by fare the kindest and most generous people I had ever met. Mrs Brandt and her two daughters would spend weeks upon weeks making bandages and I would pick them up on their way to work. They frequently visited the hospital and bought food to the soldiers whilst Mr Brandt worked as part of the volunteer fire department which has been set up due to the regular fire department being sent to the front.

Today they were evicted from their home, according to the officer they stand accused of treason, of helping the Germans in their advance to Paris but I cannot believe it, I will not believe it. These were good Frenchmen and they do not deserve to be treated this way by their government not after they loyalty which they have shown to France. And I was wondering, after I had left the site of their eviction why the government chose to evict them and not us or Madame Julien, but then I realised that Brandt is a German last name. Do you think that it is possible that now our government is arresting people on account of their last name? Are they really that paranoid?

However I am sure you are far more anxious to hear about Courfeyrac's recovery. It has been going well and so far things have only been getting better and better. Though I must agree with you whilst it may seem as if he is recovering he is still very fragile. I pray everyday that he will not regress, he needs to get better, I need him to get better. He provides me with hope, with the physical proof that people can survive and recover from this war. There is no two ways about it, Courfeyrac need to get better, for everyone.

I have stated playing music around the home in an attempt to introduce more noise into his life and so far it has been working well. He spends more time in the living areas rather than in his room and has begun to warm up to the presence of Azelma and Gavroche. I think I will start taking him for walks around the building soon if he continues on in this fashion and hopefully we will be able to start walking back and forth on the streets of Paris within a few months.

I understand why you are concerned about me taking on more tasks but recently I have begun to notice something. You want me to join a movement, to make a change. In opening up a stall at the market I am part of a change, just not the one you want me to be a part of. Please do not take my words offensively as I most definitely do not mean them like that but you must listen to me. Instead of joining the movement to bring the soldiers home I am part of a movement, a movement for civil rights, for my rights as a woman. Soon, I will be going out to work, I will earn my own money and own my own business. Just two years ago this would have never been possible but here I am. Soon I will be gaining independence, I will no longer be reliant on others and that fills me with pride as well as joy. I am joining a movement, which will create a better world once this war is over. A world where both men and women are allowed to work, to earn money and receive degrees, a world that will not allow me or any other woman to be constrained by her gender, a world where we are equal. By working and having a business I am helping to create this world.

I am sorry if my words do not please you and I am sorry because I know that they are not what you want to hear but you must listen to me. This is something I believe in, something that I am passionate about. Whilst you are tired of being oppressed by you leaders on the front, I am tired of being oppressed by gender rules everyday and I will make a change.

Until next time, please stay safe,

Eponine.

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**AN: Sorry about the extended wait but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you to everyone reading, following, favouriting and reviewing this story it is very much appreciated.**

**DianaScott, I updated the last chapter within two days of the previous (I think) currently I have plans to write for a few more years but I cannot tell you if the story will make it to armistice day, sorry! Thank you for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it.**

**frustratedstudent, no problem, thank you for commenting, I feel as if they are going through a good patch right now which is nice.**

**tyche fortuna, thank you for such an amazing compliment, I have the story planned out right until the end, I hope you will enjoy it.**

**J91 thank you for such a lovely comment. I agree with what you say in regards to what would happen if Enjolras would return home, I feel as if he would struggle more with adapting to how much the world has changed in just four years.**

**AviationAce221, thank you for commenting, I really appreciate it after reading your comment I have been thinking about writing a letter between Gavroche and Enjolras if/when I do it will be on my tumblr page – .com.**

**KBRCKCBlack thanks for such a lovely comment, I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.**

**Hillindi97 thank you for such a kind compliment, in regards to your questions it is my aim to write this story completely in letter form and a I promise that I am trying my best to prevent this from turning into a Nicholas Sparks novel (not that that is a bad thing).**

**Isabelle, thank you for commenting, I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.**

**BellaCam wow thank you so much for such a kind comment, I really hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of what happens in the story.**

**SomtinERanother, thank you for commenting I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the last :)**

**Jdotess thank you for commenting I really appreciate it, I hope you enjoyed this chapter too, I am really excited about the direction of this story and I hope that you will like it too.**

**Little Emily, thank you for such an amazing compliment, it's exactly what I want/need to hear that the letter writing form is still working well for the characters, sorry that I did not update as quickly as I was hoping to.**

**youaretrulybrilliant, that is such a beautiful story about you and your husband, really it is amazing :) thank you, I am one year off my history major so I am slightly insane on historical accuracy. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**lunalovegoodfan7 thank you so much for an amazing comment, I hope you enjoyed this update, I would like to put some more teasing back into the story but I feel as if the characters now are tired of the war and are really struggling to make jokes or even smile most days. I hope you enjoyed this update.**


	22. Chapter 22

_13__th__ June 1916_

_Eponine,_

The suffragette movement will not bring me home. Do you want me to return? Do you want all of the men in Paris to return to their families? Do you want to ensure that your brother does not become a slave to this war? Fighting to end this war, that will ensure that your brother will never go to war, the suffragette movement will not. I know you are getting used to life the way it is now, perhaps it seems normal and you cannot remember a time when all the men were in Paris and the threat of bombings was not hanging over your heads but this war can end so please, I beg of you, do not give up on me, please.

It is admirable that you want to change the world you live in and if I was there with you in Paris I would support you with all my heart but I am not in Paris, I am stuck here at the front and you need to be doing something to get me back home, to get all of us back home. You need to fight to bring us home the way we are fighting to protect you from the Axis powers. I know it's hard, I know half the time you are too tired, too busy to fight and have far too much on your mind but you need to protect us, to fight me the way I am fighting for you.

What is the point in creating a utopia, a world of equality for men and women if there is no one to share that world with? You may very well create an equal world for women in Paris but is that more important than a peaceful war? Equality is important, I do not doubt you on that but right now I feel as if you energy would be better spent bringing us home. I admire you for discovering a cause, which you are truly passionate about, and women's rights is a very noble cause at that but this is not the time to be starting a crusade within the country.

Think about it, the government is too busy pouring all of it's resources into this war, all of it's time and energy is dedicated to the war effort that if you were to march up to the parlement with a petition on women's rights it would most likely be thrown straight into the bin, not because the cause is worthless but because there are more pressing issues right now. I do not want to belittle you or trivialise your cause so please do not interpret it in that way it is just that bringing us back from the front, that is a life and death situation I am not quite sure that women's right is though please if you have evidence to oppose my views I am more than willing to listen. I admire you for what you are doing and I pray that you are able to transfer even some of that energy over into fighting to bring us home.

I actually had to leave this letter for several hours as we were put on duty and have just returned to it now. To be honest if I could I would throw it out and start again but today we are running low on water, tomorrow it may be paper so it is best that I conserve everything I have. I am sorry for what I said above, though I am not going to lie, it is what I believe. To a certain extent I am just so desperate to get home that if it were possible I would be writing to every man and women throughout France begging them to protest against the continuation of this war. However I am only writing to you and therefore you receive the brunt of my desperation, as you said a few letters ago you are the one who receives my anger, my joy and most often my desperation. Please, if you will continue your women's rights movement, after all you do deserve to have the same opportunity as us men but please, please do not forget about us men who are fighting here on the front. Please do not forget about the men who are sacrificing their lives so that you can continue to try to create the world you dream of living in. And as you pick up this new crusade please do not forget about me.

You are adapting well to life at war, finding hobbies and new interests living your life but I am not. I am stuck, it is almost as if the stalemate of this war is consuming me as a person and I need you. I need you to keep me going, to give me a reason to keep on fighting. I love how you have changed, you are far stronger, far more independent and almost completely different to the woman I wrote my first letter to years ago. I feel as if you have come so far, as if you are moving forward and I am stuck watching you from a distance as you race ahead into a different life. Please Eponine, do not leave me behind.

In regards to the Brandt family I cannot say that I remember them. Though that being said I barely interacted with anyone in that apartment block apart from Madame Julien and that was mostly due to her bringing me food, how has she been lately? The French legal system (as with most other modern legal systems) has been known to jump to conclusions and not consider the evidence it has at hand when making it's decisions and I believe that this could be another case of that here. Though do not be too alarmed, I was speaking to some Australian soldiers who have stated that many German migrants have been ostracised from society in Australia too, they are just some of the many victims of this war.

However, do not forget that not everyone in this world is working towards an allied victory. There are people out there who want to see the Germans and the Austrian-Hungarians victorious. There are people who wish the Axis powers would succeed in invading our lands, there are people who want see me and the rest of the French army killed and those people may very well be your neighbours.

I do not wish for you to become paranoid but please, do remain vigilant.

_Until next time,_

_Enjolras._

* * *

_1__st__ July 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I actually refrained from replying to you letter for a few days, I did not want to lose my temper and write a letter, which once it was sent I would later regret, therefore I apologise for my delayed response.

I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. Of course I want you home, I want this war to be over and life to return to normal – though I can barely remember what normal is. More than anything in the world I want all of you home but this is something that truly inspires me and please, if you would, let me demonstrate to you how empowering women will bring you home from the war – I promise all these issues are interrelated.

When I went the café over a year ago I was greeted warmly by the women who would sit around tables sipping coffee and wishing for their husbands and sons to come back from war and I agreed with them, who would not? We all desperately wanted this war to end. However these women seemed helpless, they would complain and whine but never actually do anything to change their situation. I went to three meetings in total and each time all they would do is talk about how much they missed their loved ones, how much they needed the men back in this city to help it function properly.

I grew up without many strong male figures in my life and therefore whilst I wanted to bring the soldiers home, I never viewed men as imperative to my existence and soon after realising this I stopped attending the meetings. These women were looking for a leader, a male leader to bring them out of their sorrow and restore this world to peace. They were waiting for someone to help them and not willing to help themselves.

By empowering women, by demonstrating to them that they can be strong and independent and essentially live proper lives without men this will motivate them to bring about a change within themselves and therefore create a change in society without the assistance of men. The women in the café were wealthy and powerful but considered themselves nothing without their husbands who were scattered throughout Europe assisting in the war effort. I want to show these women that they are far more than just wives and mothers that they can make a change and that together we do have the collective power to bring about a change.

One of the repercussions of this I hope is to motivate women to get out onto the streets and start protesting against this war. I have thought of perhaps flooding the centre of Paris to prevent new soldiers from being sent to the front, I was also thinking of perhaps having all the women in Paris strike for a day but however I do not want it to have a negative effect on the well being of the men on the front. These are just some of the ideas I have been thinking about and as you can probably tell I am terribly excited to see if this movement can gain some momentum and perhaps actually contribute to bringing you all home from this war.

Enjolras, I am not giving up on you and I am not forgetting you that would be impossible because you have become such an important figure in my life. I cannot help but feel as if the months would be emptier if I did not have one of your letters to look forward to. I am not forgetting about you, I am fighting as hard as ever to bring you home, I am just doing it my own way. It is unorthodox and I am sure most definitely not what you were expecting but I have a feeling that if this movement can gain some momentum it might just work.

However it will have to wait a few more months, Madame Julien has invited us to go to Nice for a few months over the summer as she will be going there to meet her new niece, which is very exciting. Madame Julien has been well and whenever I see her she never forgets to ask how you are going on the front. She has also been an enthusiastic supporter of my idea to open a stall and I think I may sell some of her food so she too can earn some money off her brilliant cooking.

Gavroche will be on school holidays and Azelma will take some much deserved time off from her work at the hospital and I really must say I am looking forward to finally getting out of Paris. I have never been to the south of France but I hear it is absolutely beautiful and that there is some incredible fresh produce there that would be an absolute delight to work with. I am bringing Courfeyrac with me, I think that introducing him firstly to a smaller quieter city prior to taking him out in Paris will help him get more comfortable with having strangers and strange noises around him before taking him into the noisy Parisian streets. He is still doing very well and making great strides, it seems as if ever since he started talking he has just been getting stronger and stronger and I am so, so proud of him.

There should be another piece of paper in here detailing the addresses of where we will be staying in in Nice so you can write to us there. Stay safe and write again soon.

_Eponine_

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**AN: Thank you for reading, commenting, favouriting and following I really appreciate it :)**

**To Lady B90, thank you so much, it make me really happy that people can see that they are developing because static characters are something I really do not want to write, thank you and I hop you enjoyed this update.**

**Seredhiel05 thanks for reading and commenting :) **

**To jdotess I am not sure if I will be posting the Gavroche Enjolras letter on here, I am still going over the idea for it in my head, once I write it I will definitely post it on tumblr but I'm not too sure about here, it depends on how it comes out, thanks for such a lovely comment.**

**KBRCKCBlack thank you so much, I am always so worried that this will get repetitive, I am actually really loving Eponine's storyline right now, she really has gone through a massive transformation, thank you for commenting and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Frustratedstudent, thank you for such a lovely comment, I am really loving how Eponine's storyline in particular is coming along : )**

**BellaCam thank you so much for such a kind comment, unfortunately I have been horrible with my updating lately and I am sorry for that, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter too.**

**lunalovegoodfan7 thank you for another lovely comment, I do have an ending planned out but you are right, writing it out is the hardest part. My aim is to write the whole story in letter which I am finding quite difficult when I think of how to end it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.**

**EbonieCourfeyrac wow your birthday is on a truly incredible day, the literature in general that came out of that war was amazing I'm planning on starting All Quiet on the Western Front as I watched the movie a few weeks ago, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Withmoonsandstars, thank you for such a lovely compliment, I am always worried because Enjolras does not strike me as the most open person and therefore I'm worried that his confessions are out of character, thank you and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**J91 thanks for commenting, Joly is still alive, as for the other men I will reveal that in the following chapters, and you are right, Courfeyrac is such a nice guy : )**


	23. Chapter 23

_July 17 1916_

_Dear Eponine,_

It is good to hear that you and Madame Julien are well and I hope you are enjoying Nice. I went there a few times with my family when I was much younger and must say I always look back fondly on those memories. You should try to learn how to make a socca while you are there. It's a pancake but not in the traditional sense and I used to love it. I have never had it anywhere other than Nice though that being said I have never really actively looked for it.

I think it would be best for me to stop interfering with your plans and ideas as by the looks of it you seem to have everything planned out quite well and the truth is I trust you, I feel as if you can achieve something doing it strictly your way. So from now on I shall attempt to refrain from criticising or questioning any of your plans. Rather I am an open ear, I am willing to listen to your ideas, your speeches and your plans. I support you and I believe in you. You can make a change for women and for the men here on the front. I am beginning to trust and beginning to believe in you, sometimes we become so desperate here on the front, so desperate for an escape that we forget that some of the people back home in France are working to end this war, to create a somewhat peaceful world and most importantly, to allow all of us soldiers to return back home.

Sometimes, during lulls of fighting we sit back in the trenches drink wine and just talk. I remember back when the war started we would play football too but now we are much too tired and ache far too much to even think of playing sport. And we discuss absolutely everything when we talk, history, politics, sport – all the usual topics that men talk about and I must say that it is nice having people to talk to. Please do not interpret this the wrong way as I do cherish talking to you but these men understand how I feel in a way that you will never, and I never want you to understand how I feel. They have been away from their families for years now, they have been starving, aching and have watched their friends die by their sides. It just so comforting to know that there are other people out there who feel the way I do. It is also reassuring and when I hear that they feel they way I do, I can rest assured that I am not losing my mind. Or if I am losing my mind, at least I am not the only one.

A few nights ago, conversation turned to what we wish to be doing once this war ends, and to be honest, until then I really had not given that much through to it. It is as if I have been in survival mode and all I can think about is the present, surviving the present. I do not even think about what will happen tomorrow let alone what will happen when this damn war is finally over.

So I told them about you. They already knew I had someone at home who I frequently correspond with but I had not really told these men much about my pre war life. But then again you aren't really part of my pre war life as I have become close to you as a result of this war so I guess I should be saying personal life or something along those lines.

I told them about you, about Gavroche and Azelma, how I miss you and how I did not even think that that would be possible when I left Paris because I barely knew you. But now I do, I have gotten to know you through letters and somehow miss something I never really had which I know makes absolutely no sense. I told them how you were like no other woman I had ever met and that I had severely underestimated you when we first met. I told them how strong you are and how you are capable of absolutely anything and everything you put your mind to.

I told them that I could barely remember what you all looked like. In my mind you are all shadowy figures without much definition, no real facial features or anything like that. I told them how I do not know the sound of your voice. I probably would not even recognise it if I were to hear it, but how one day, I hope to be able to pick your voice out in a crowd. I told them how you love to cook, how you want to open up your own business and fight for Women's rights. I told them how much I admire you for that, for wanting to be independent for wanting to improve the lives of women across France.

I told them that you are clever, much more clever than I had ever expected. I told them how you used to read my books and write your opinions to me, which was enlightening as I had never really been exposed to people who were so willing to challenge my opinion, but you were, and I thank you for that.

And I told them how you nursed Courfeyrac back to health practically on your own. I told them you persisted with him, even when thing were incredibly difficult. I told them how you stopped working to care for him full time and that now he is actually recovering quite well and that it is all because of you. I told them how you are more like a mother to your siblings rather than a sister, how you want nothing more than for Azelma to be independent and Gavroche to stay in Paris and finish school.

I told them that with you, Gavroche and Azelma I feel part of a family, like I belong there back in Paris with all of you. I can almost see us all sitting down for dinner, going down to the market or even spending time with the rest of the Amis down at the café. I realise now that it is those things that are helping me get through this war. The idea of coming home and seeing you all, finally being able to talk to you, actually talk to you and hear you respond. I want to hear you cut me off when you disagree with me and I want to see you tease me like you used to in our earlier letters.

And after I had said all of this, I could not help but wonder, do you ever think what our lives would be like if I make it through this war?

_Write soon,_

_Enjolras._

* * *

_July 28 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

It has been two years and I am still writing to you – as promised, of course you can trust me. Oh my I cannot even begin to describe how incredible it is to finally be out of Paris. I love that city, oh how I adore it but it is suffocating being their all the time! All the war posters, the propaganda and so many depressed and starving people on the streets, it is beautiful to have escaped the city even if it just for a few weeks. And Nice has just been so refreshing, sometimes all one needs is a change of scenery to really change how they are feeling.

Since I wrote to you last I have been fiercely determined to make something of my idea to rally the women in Paris as well as start up my stall at the market. However, I found that this determination resulted in me putting so much pressure on myself that I could barely think. I did not want to cook and most definitely did not want to read any of your political books. And Courfeyrac has been so excited about it, he has spent his days drawing up business plans and listing what he thinks are the most profitable markets in and around Paris. I have been pretending to be enthusiastic and interested but the truth is, I was so worried that this venture was going to fail, that no one was going to buy from the stall, that the women of Paris will refuse to listen to me that the idea of working towards this goal made me feel sick!

But here in Nice I can relax, I can forget about Paris and work towards my goals peacefully and with much less pressure on myself. Courfeyrac likes it here too.

He sits out on the balcony and soaks up the sun, not leaving the balcony until it is dark. He loves the heat as do the kids but personally I do find it a little too suffocating and it is a struggle to figure out where it is cooler, inside or out.

Though of course the war is not completely absent from our minds. There is a distinct lack of young men in the town and war posters everywhere but I feel free here. It is as if Paris is a furnace and when I am there I cannot breathe, I cannot think and I hate it. And I love it here; I love the fresh air, the sounds of the ocean and the produce! Amazing wine, incredible seafood, I wish I could take it all home with me - it is truly inspiring. However I do know I must return to Paris soon, after all Gavroche must go back to school and I need to keep fighting to bring you home. However I cannot help but feel as if this will be the start of a great number of trips throughout France and maybe even abroad once this war is over.

A few days ago Courfeyrac mentioned that he would love to go visit his family who live north of Paris. It may be difficult to travel up north, as it does get closer to the fighting however I think we should try. He has written a little bit to his parents but would love to go back to his childhood home and visit them – and I would love to get out of Paris again. Though perhaps I will soon get home sick and long for a return to Paris, that would be nice, perhaps in leaving the city I will be able to fall back in love with it again. I wish that would happen. I miss how I used to feel about the city, how it held endless possibilities. That was how I felt about this city when I finally got a chance to experience it just after the war started but now I am tired of it. I am tired of the sound of trucks, which duck in and out of the narrow streets collecting bandages. I am tired of posters begging more men to sign up for this war and I am sick of those nationalistic songs which people are encouraged to sing in the streets. Our country, our government does not care for us so why should I care for them. I am tired and wish this war would just end.

I sometimes think about what life will be like when it ends. I imagine what it will be like with you back at home, you and the rest of the boys going back to study at the university, and Madame Julien and I will cook for all of you when you have your exams. And you would be able to help Gavroche with his mathematics as most of his high school maths has always been far too hard for me and now Courfeyrac is beginning to struggle with it too. I like to tease him when that happens asking his how he managed to get into university when he cannot manage basic maths! He just shouts that and Education/French degree does not require more that basic mathematics before his serious face begins to laugh. I feel sorry for Gavroche if he decides that he would like to be a mathematician – Coufeyrac and I would be no help to him in his studies then!

But I do think about what life will be like when you come back and I cannot wait for your return but then I get worried, what if you do not come back? And then I begin to feel sick and wish I did not start thinking about the future in the first place, it is so uncertain. I tell myself that you will come back and I do believe it. You have survived this long and you can survive this war. Just stay safe, please, stay safe and come home soon, we are all eagerly awaiting your return.

_Eponine._

* * *

**AN: I feel as if I owe all my readers an apology, or at least an explaination. I have the dreaded writer's block and over the past 2 weeks I have come so close to permanently ending this story but here is another chapter. Thank you to everyone for their support, I really appreciate it. I do not know when I will update next. I am trying my best to get through it.**

**To Larissa Martz,** **thank you for commenting and for such a lovely compliment, I recently decided what will happen to Gavroche's storyline, I hope you will enjoy it.**

**Frustratedstudent, thanks, I really want to look closely at how the war effects people rather than just the fighting. Thanks for commenting, I really appreciate it.**

**EbonieCourfeyrac thank you so much, most of the writing block is coming on Enjolras's letter so thank you so much for that compliment.**

**TcEm, thanks and thanks for your support when I posted on my writer's block, I really appreciate it.**

**J91, it sounds like you have had an amazing and informative trip, thank you for commenting, I really appreciate it, I might use some of the historical things you mentioned as I did not know them (if you do not mind and I will credit you at the end of the chapter).**

**Thank you for reading, following, favourite commented, please comment :)**


	24. Chapter 24

_August 9 1916_

_Dear Eponine,_

It is already August again and I cannot believe I have been at this war for close to two years, I do not think anyone can believe it, nor that anyone could have predicted it but that does not matter. All that matters is that we have been fighting for two years, and that no one is any closer to winning this war than they were those years ago.

Sometimes when I sit here alone, I think back to when the first declaration of war was signed what seems like a lifetime ago. Essentially I am at war because an anarchist shot a duke. I am sure our governments have realised that it was a bit of an overreaction now, but how many men have had to die to make them realise this? I do not know what I am fighting for anymore, to protect France from invading Germans? Or are the Germans fighting to protect Germany from aggressive Frenchmen?

I know that I am defending my country, I think I am just tired that is all, I just want to get out of here.

Every few weeks rumours circle through the trenches that the Americans are coming to save us, that they will be entering the war soon but why would they have any interest in saving us? Why would they enter into an economically draining war which will not only destroy their economy but also kill so many of their sons. It has been less than a century since their civil war in which so many young men perished; I doubt they would be willing to enter into this war. They live in splendid isolation and I know that if I were in a position of power within America, I would be strongly cautioning the government from entering into this costly and never ending war.

I believe that now we are past the point of winners and losers. There are no winners, here, not anymore, just losers. Even if we were to win this war, claiming it as a victory would only be disrespectful to all of those who have lost their lives fighting against our enemies. This war is a loss; it will always be a loss even if an armistice is signed stating that we emerged victor. We have lost some of the bravest men our nation has to offer. We have scarified them and for what? Maybe I am just too tired to answer that question.

I am sorry if you find that I am doing nothing but complaining and if I am going to write a letter to you filled with nothing but complaints then I should at least give you an explanation as to why my spirits are so low. You see, there is only one route, which allows us to receive supplies for the men here in Verdun. We rely on that route for food, weapons and to take our mail back and fourth – it is our lifeline. The worst part about that is that the Germans know this information, and constantly bombard the area, often preventing us from getting access to the necessities such as food, water and medical supplies. We have been cut off for three days and are running out of supply. We need our energy to be able to fight, but many men can barely drag themselves out of bed now.

We are desperate and I am just waiting for the enemy to attack. We are weak, vulnerable and would welcome death if it could rescue us out of this terrible situation. I am sure they will attack us any day now, and if they do, well at least I have said some sort of goodbye to you.

Apparently this has been one of the deadliest wars in all of human history and I think I know why, actually I cannot take full credit for the view I am about to present to you – it is widely discussed within the trenches. We have been given a number of new weapons and they are constantly discovering new warfare technology. However, they give this technology to our officers without having trained them. So we use this new technology with old techniques and the result is a gruesome blood bath.

For example, one of the most deadly techniques we use is to order lines of men to climb over our trenches, run through no man's land and into the enemy trenches where they are expected to defeat the enemy. This may have worked years ago, when the most primitive forms of weaponry were slow to load giving soldiers time to kill them with bayonets but now it is not possible. These new guns, they are fast to load and far more accurate than ever before, the same applies for the cannons. Technology has moved so quickly that our tacticians have not had time to catch up. Though it is not just our troops employing these out dated tactics, the Germans are no better they send their troops to their deaths in the exact same way. It is not right and I fail to understand why or leaders are not thinking of alternative ways to fight, something, anything would be better than what we are suffering now, we will never win the war fighting with these techniques.

And I am done fighting. I need to survive; I need to get home, that is my main priority right now. The shaking has almost gone from my hands, but I have adapted so much that I barely notice it now. I know if I were to object to any of my commander's orders I would be killed and I've worked hard to stay alive, I want to get home. Perhaps when I arrive back at home I will take up a cause and try to change something for the better, or maybe I will join you in your crusade for women's rights, but right now my priority is survival. I will survive.

_Enjolras._

* * *

_August 20 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I am sorry, I really am because you do not deserve to be fighting this war, you do not deserve to be starving and being completely broken down the way you are and if I could, I would send the food I bake, and the clothes we have at home, and medical supplies from the hospital but I know they will never get to you. I wish I could help but I promise, once I am back in Paris I will, I promise you that.

It has been relaxing here in Nice but I must say, I am once again longing for Paris, see my plan worked! I miss how noisy the city is; how it is constantly bustling and how the air smells like smoke and how it always seems hazy. Things are too beautiful here in Nice that it is easy to lull oneself into a sense of security. The beauty of Nice makes you forget about the turmoil, which is currently engulfing the world, and it makes you lazy and complacent. When we eat dinner by the beach and I wish that I would never leave, that I could stay there in that peaceful bliss for all of eternity but the truth is I have work to do in Paris, I have to bring the soldiers home, I have to help women realise what they can contribute to society.

Nice is beautiful but it is absolutely necessary that I leave as soon as possible.

And thankfully that is not too far away, we are departing for Paris in just a few hours so please start writing to your home address from now on. I have been talking to Courfeyrac about how to best engage with the women at the café and he suggested reading some of the humanists such as Bruni and Petrarch. He says that the women will admire and most importantly listen to someone who at least sounds like she is well read. Courfeyrac says that there are a few collections of their letters at his parent's house, but that means travelling up north for a few weeks and I do not want to be gone from Paris so soon after returning. Therefore I am wondering if you have any books on them or can recommend where in Paris I may be able to find books which I may read and then mimic their prose.

I want these women to listen to me, but they are all so well read, all so well spoken that it is quite intimidating. Perhaps by becoming more well read I will be able to have the confidence to speak in font of them, and perhaps they will listen.

How are your fellow comrades on the front? I often forget to ask how they all are; I hope you are all well, as well as that can be during a war.

I find it absolutely fascinating how you describe technology as racing past man in the way it has. It is true, almost everyday you hear of new allied advancements on navy warships or artillery and then at other times you hear of chemical warfare, which absolutely terrifies me and it becomes incredibly obvious that we cannot keep up with technology, not us civilians nor your generals. I just hope that they figure out how to use this technology best to their advantage before the Axis powers do.

You're right, it's August again, and the heat is sweltering here in the south, and I cannot imagine how horrible it must be for all of you. I have found myself at times hesitant to return to Paris, because there I will not be able to cool myself by the beach.

Over the weeks I have been here, I have found myself absolutely consumed with the thought of going for a swim in the waters surrounding Nice. I know, it is completely trivial in comparison to everything else that has been happening over the past few years, but I had an incredible urge to go swimming. I have actually never been swimming before. We used to live in the East before moving to Paris and I would never dare to swim in the Seine, could you imagine! I would most definitely fall extremely ill as a result, that or I would probably drown because it seems to be a rather fast moving river.

Anyway, I somehow managed to coax Courfeyrac into the water too to ensure that I did not disappear and drown and he really seemed to enjoy it. He swam a little, helped me out when I was frightened and was really playful, splashing Gavroche and Azelma and trying to encourage them to come into the water (which they did eventually). I did not really know Courfeyrac at all before his injury in the war, but I cannot help but wonder if that was what he was like before the war, playful, caring and supportive. And if this is a return to his old self, I hope he stays like this because it's nice when things seem relaxed, I hope he takes this new mindset back to Paris with him.

We will be leaving for Paris later tonight and I cannot wait to get back home, my time here in Nice has been beautiful and perhaps most importantly relaxing but I must return to Paris. I am ready to return to Paris and prepared to make a change. I will set up my stall, I will begin writing my speeches for the women and I am excited.

Write soon and stay safe!

_Eponine._

* * *

**AN: I apologise for the wait and hope you have all enjoyed this episode, I have a lot in store for Eponine once she gets back to Paris. Thank you for reading, following, favouriting and commenting, it is all very much appreciated.**

**frustratedstudent: thank you for commenting, looking up… well I hope so… but I cannot make any promises :)**

**J91, *quickly runs back to fix previous chapter's errors,* thank you so much for that, I really shake my head at some of the silly mistakes I make and I thank you for pointing them out, I think that even if his fellow soldiers did not agree with the women's movement they would not have said anything, they're too tired of fighting the enemy let alone fighting within their own army. I will also start thinking of a way to fix the funeral part, you were completely correct, thanks for all your help and thank you for commenting.**

**RhondaAnn1, thanks for commenting, I definitely see what you are saying with Courfeyrac but we will just have to wait and see…**

**KBRCKCBlack, I really want to end this a particular way but it is taking forever to get there and I have so many ideas for different stories, but I love this story so I will finish it (it might just take a while) thanks for commenting : )**

**BellaCam thank you so much for such a lovely comment, I hope you liked this chapter even though it took forever to get out :)**

**Thanks for commenting Isabelle, I hope you loved this chapter as much too : )**

**TcEm, thanks so much, while writing this the idea for the climax of their relationship has popped into mind and I can't wait to write it! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Marissani, thank you for such a lovely compliment, I really appreciate it.**

**Lady B90, thank you so much, I feel like most of the writers block is gone and now it is just about finding the time to sit down and write, thank you for such a lovely comment and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Hilindi97, you should so tell your parent what you have learnt, I'm sure the will be impressed, tell them that you learnt it at school haha. Thanks for commenting, Coufeyrac asks a little bit but does not really want anything to do with the war so generally ignores Eponine when she starts talking about it (just because it's easier for him than to actually confront the issues he is having post war). I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


	25. Chapter 25

_August 29 1916_

_Dear Eponine_

To be completely honest, I cannot currently recall the titles of the Humanist books I own however, if you look through the glossary for titles such as Petrarch, Bruni and Humanism you will find some information. Personally myself I like to use the humanists but put my own twist on it. Especially with the audience I frequently dealt with, many of them had already read the humanists and therefore I did not want to completely replicate their writing style.

Essentially for me, I was delivering to my audience new ideas and therefore I believed that these ideas had to be presented in a new way whilst still drawing on some of the age old techniques that have proved invaluable to orators throughout the years.

I am not the most naturally creative person so I recommend you ask Courfeyrac of help in making slight alterations to your style so that it does not replicate the Humanists completely.

I truly hope that upon your return to Paris you manage to once again fall in love with the city because it is absolutely beautiful. I know here on the front, one of the things I miss the most is Paris. I miss waking up in the morning and walking down to the university, picking up breakfast on my way. It is the simplest things that you miss the most when you have been away for so long. It is everything you used to take for granted that you miss the most now, I know how corny that sounds but it is the truth.

We are currently experiencing what may be the most intense bombardment from the Germans that we have experienced through this whole war. Us soldiers cannot help but wish that this is the last gasp of the German army, that they are throwing all they have at us because they are close to falling apart. They are close to giving in, or so we hope.

The truth is that if the German army is to collapse, they are complete wasting their time doing here in Verdun. Strategically, there are so many more important places to protect and fight over, and if I know that I am sure the Germany army is aware of it too. The loss of life here has been devastating, disgusting and absolutely unnecessary. The fact that we are still continuing to fight here is further evidence to me that our government does not care about us soldiers. Rather all they care about if victory, they want to win Verdun so that they can parade around the world with the knowledge that they have won the battle. They seem to push the knowledge that thousands of men have died as a result to the back of their minds. It must make it easier to sleep at night and even so, it is not their sons they are sending to the front.

What about the families losing sons, father and husbands? I feel like they are being forgotten as the French government continues on it's crusade to victory. And years after this war finishes it is those families who must live without their loved ones, not our political leaders.

I am annoyed because yesterday I received news from a man who had been protecting the coastal boarders in the North West, which was where the boys from the South were stationed. Bahoral and Grantaire were from the south, and he knew them but unfortunately he did not have good news.

A few months after being stationed in the North, Bahoral heard of the rebellion I was staging within my own camp and began to start a rebellion in his battalion too. However he did not receive the punishment I did, rather, he was moved from his own battalion to the killing fields and was last heard of at the Battle of Somme. That was all that the man remembered of Bahoral. He has no news on whether the man is alive or dead

After Bahorel left Grantaire started drinking more. I am not quite sure where exactly where he is getting this alcohol from – as there is no longer any alcohol here at Verdun for recreational purposes, and very little left to be used for medicinal purposes however it must be different up on the ports. Perhaps they intercept alcohol as it arrives on the docks and keep a few bottles (or crates) for themselves.

So Grantaire started drinking himself to death. He was useless in the trenches permanently passed out. And on the odd occasion when he actually was sober her was cynical and negative – I cannot blame him for it either. A few months ago, a new general was posted was posted to the their battalion to make them more efficient and unfortunately, Grantaire did not make the cut. He was led away from the group and murdered by his own troops. I only hope that he was too drunk to know what was happening.

When I was punished for my uprising, I thought I was the only one to take the fall. Obviously I was wrong.

This makes me remember, have you told Courfeyrac about Combeferre's death? It is up to you to choose when to tell him; after all you are in the best position to judge. I do not want him to relapse when he discovers that his friends are dying. But he must be hearing about how deadly this war is, he cannot possibly believe that all of his friends are still alive can he? I do not know what to think anymore.

I hope all is well back in Paris, I hope you, Courfeyrac, Gavroche and Azelma are all well.

_Speak soon,_

_Enjolras._

* * *

_September 11 1916_

_Dear Enjolras,_

I am sorry to hear about Bahorel and Grantaire, I never really knew them but you must promise to me that even through it is difficult, and even though you are losing some of your friends, you must stay strong. I am yet to tell Courfeyrac about the deaths, I am not sure when I will. I know I will have to eventually, but I am trying to avoid it. He has made so much progress; I do not want to see him regress now. However, this letter will not focus on death, rather it will focus on life, hopefully it will make you feel better.

It is absolutely fantastic to finally be back here in Paris! I must say I really was not gone for that long but it seems like forever. I was expecting to walk through the door and find the furniture absolutely covered in dust but alas, it was not half as bad as I was expecting it to be, which is good as it allows to get to work straight away. There is no time to wait and I am so, so excited with the progress that I have already made.

Shortly after arriving back in Paris, Courfeyrac and I surveyed a few of the produce markets, looking at which areas were the busiest and which would appeal to the people we want to come to our store. In an ideal world I would love it to be a place where families could quickly buy something to eat before spending a day buying fruit and veggies at the market. So because of that we eventually decided on a space right out the front of the busiest market in all of Paris. Whilst prices are low due to the lack of vendors as a result of the war the space was still far more expensive than we initially wanted to pay however, we have decided to take a chance on it and hope that we will be making enough to continue keeping the shop open, if now, we will have to look for another, cheaper space to ensure that we are making a profit.

That's Courfeyrac's main priority – profit, sure he loves eating my food and planning on opening a store but he never stops talking about how ultimately, the aim is to make a profit. I understand what he is saying, I really do, this is a business after all but I do not want the fun taken out of baking and cooking. For be it is a hobby, but now making it into a job worries me. I do not want to lose the fun of it and that was what was really worrying me.

I have been working there for a few weeks now and have almost finalised the regular menu. So far, my most popular items have been a Lemon Layer Slice which can also be ordered ad a full size cake if people would like to buy it for a larger celebration, Rhubarb Pie and Apple Pie. I seem to have perfected pastry (finally! I needed lots of help from Madame Julien!) and it seems to be quite popular. They also seem to be quite wintery desserts and I only expect the last two to continue in popularity, as the months grow cooler. People also seem to really love fresh Berries with Vanilla cream, I was not expecting that as it is such a simple dish but I was proven wrong.

Have you ever heard of Devil's Food Cake? Of course you have, it's Courfeyrac's favourite! Apparently his mother bought the recipe back with her when they travelled to America years ago. It is absolutely divine; a chocolate sponge with chocolate frosting. It so rich, so sweet and positively devilish! I am working on the presentation of the cake, as right now, the top coating of icing is not looking quite as appetising as many other things in the stall, therefore it has not been selling to well. The secret is getting people to taste the cake, as it is absolutely lovely. I am also making the usual, scones, macrons, coconut macaroons and of course Angel cake.

I am also thinking of learning how to make some jams, strawberry, raspberry, apricot and whatever else would possibly work – maybe fig? I would serve the scones with homemade jam and bake biscuits, as you can tell I am very excited.

I am finally beginning to form a vision of what I would like to do once this war is over. Right now it is just a distant idea and I am not sure if it will ever happen but I would love to open a coffee shop, with lots of outside dining areas where people could come, buy breakfast or lunch and have some tea, coffee and dessert. Right now it is just a trial period and we will have to see how sales go before deciding whether it is a possibility but right now that is my dream. And perhaps one day young men and women will gather within my café, eat and discuss politics and perhaps change the world that they live in!

That makes me wonder, what is your favourite dessert, I will be sure to add it to the permanent menu?

I apologise if I am making your stomach rumble, I really am as I know that you have very little to eat there on the front. It is just that when I talk about baking at home, the kids always roll their eyes at me and Courfeyrac tells me that I have told him the same idea five times in one day. I just cannot help it, I feel like I am being productive, that I am finally achieving something in life and that makes me so incredibly happy. However if you believe me to be completely insensitive I will stop writing these things, and I completely understand if you do not want to hear what I am saying and we can most definitely discuss other things.

I will be sure to look into the books you have recommended, sometimes, particularly between 2-4 in the afternoon the stall is not very busy and I find myself just staring into space for hours on end. I will use that time to read the books you have recommended and begging forming ideas and writing my speeches, I think I will be able to send you a plan of one of my speeches very soon.

I hope everything is well there on the front and I hope you are feeling much better than the last time we spoke.

_Stay safe and please write again soon._

_Eponine_

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**AN: Thank you for reading, following, favouring and commenting, I really appreciate it. Special Note: If anyone finds that this is getting repetitive please let me know! I am really worried about it getting repetitive so please let me know if it does.**

**J91 ****runs back and fixes mistakes, thanks!****, Eponine is 21, if I could write the story again I would make her about 17 but alas I cannot do that. Therefore she is 21 and Enjolras is 23. Enjolras is a man with the weight of the world on his soldiers, always has always will, that combined with his education makes him sound much older than he is. Back when Eponine was starving on the streets she was mature (not like Enjolras) but now that she has a home, has an income she can indulging in everything she could not back when she was homeless, therefore that, combined with her general lack of education is why she comes off as a lot younger. Thanks for commenting :) I have to suggest a book for my book club so if there is an English translation I might suggest it, thanks.**

**jdotess, thank you for such a lovely comment, exactly, she reminds me of home and keeps him going, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**BellaCam, thank you so much, Eponine will come into her own as a character and that's what I'm so excited about, thank you for such a compliment and such a king comment**

**Frozenfallenange, that's exactly right, I completely understand what Combeferre did and probably would have done the same, I was really hesitant to write it at first but I am glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting.**

**Frustratedstudent, definitely, this is all leading to something (obviously) but unfortunately I had to push the timeline back a bit. **

**TheDandelionDarling,** **that's exactly right, she won't hesitate to tell him when to shut up haha, thanks for commenting.**


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